“… in love! Oh beautiful forest maiden, oh lovely nymph naturalis, oh wondrous rural regal. Let me by your eternal wingman.”
Keepin’ it hyperboleic 
The other heroes just stared in utter perplexity, bewiderment, and stupefaction. Who was this brazen intruder stealing Seshat’s spotlight?
Speaking of … where was Seshat anyway?
Seshat was stuck up in a tree! Well, not so much stuck, as clinging on to a branch while yelling at the monkeys who had stolen her minions!
“Give them back!” she yelled angrily, as a monkey juggled three of her minions. They kept multiplying after every three minutes, too!
Then, a minion bit on a monkey’s arm! The monkey brigade howled in anger, and…
… the minions multiplied again!
Now there were enough minions just below her. She let go of the branch, landing on her minions, apologizing for knocking their skulls together. Then she shot her special at the monkey king (who looked suspiciously like Wu Kong). Her conjuration arrow found its mark, making the monkey squeal in surprise, dropping the juggling minions as a result.
Seshat grinned with malice, preparing another arrow, when she realized that no one was actually watching her. Her audience, instead, was gathered around the odd newcomer Kishek, who was groveling and proclaiming his love for Telluria.
Seshat snorted. Whatever. No one would love Telluria after the “balance of change.” Yet another hero would steal the spotlight, and a multitude of Nerf and Buff threads would spawn like minions and give the moderators migraines … or seizures. Or both.
She scanned the fickle crowd in front of her. She found the one person who would most benefit from the sting of a conjuration arrow. She aimed, watching her arrow fly, hitting …
… her old high school rival Vivica, who promptly crumpled like she’d been shot with a sidelong look from Aife.
“HAH, that’s what you get for kissing Johnny Schotzman!”
“But, but, he was a Capricorn!” Vivica wailed piteously.
Off-Topic, check around 4:20[/spoiler]
"MEDIEVAL LAND FUN-TIME WORLD" EXTENDED TRAILER — A Bad Lip Reading of Game of Thrones - YouTube
The rest of the heroes now gathered sympathetically around Vivica. Seshat stamped her feet in anger, her minions scattering out of the way and still multiplying rapidly. Perhaps too rapidly?
Hu Tao happily lifted his newly-concocted Guava Dragon Fruit Smoothie to his lips, only to discover several minions in the glass instead of a delicious concoction as he was expecting. Surprised, he looked around him. Minions on top of minions were spreading out as far as the eye can see.
“Umm, guys? Hello? Anybody else seeing this?”
the jungle filled with minions, drowning all the heroes! Even Gobbler, Captain of Diamonds and Grimble could not get rid of them fast enough!
Seshat watched in a mix of horror and amusement as all the heroes got buried!
But then…
… Vela cast her special, trying to drown everyone even more–accidentally saving everyone instead, making heroes, monkeys, and minions float in different directions.
“They’d better not nerf me!” She flung her blue hair to the side, stealing the spotlight from Seshat. “I don’t need balance!”
Hu Tao gently poured his excess minions out of his drink. The Guava Dragonfruit Smoothie was his favorite yet, minus the minions of course. He smiled, even though chaos reigned all around him.
Vivica sniffled, wiping her eyes. Kiril plucked the conjuration arrow out of her backside, offering his healing brew, so that she wouldn’t feel the pain. Then Kiril dropped the arrow like it was nothing important, making Seshat gasp.
This time Seshat closed her eyes, not even aiming, her arrow hitting …
… Kunchen!
The smarmy vagabond fainted yet again!
But this time, he was caught by…
… Telluria!
She looked just as surprised as everyone else. Mostly though, she needed a distraction from the neverending poetry from Kishek. While she was flattered, he was just too small, too round, and too fragile. It would never work.
But she remembered the last time she’d met someone nice. He had said all the right things … before he’d saddled her with a baby minion. Then he’d disappeared, and she’d been so upset, she’d spawned another minion, and another, and another …
Her figure had never recovered after that. Not that her waist had ever been as tiny as VIvica’s, but she did want to feel feminine. Sometimes anyway. Most people just expected her to take hits, offer protection, and heal them too.
It was exhausting work!
The upcoming nerf would be a reprieve. Maybe she could retire from tank position. Surely a new HOTM would be released soon … and she could take a break and travel. Somewhere without all the monkeys and unbearable heat.
With just a simple thought, she spotted silver metal glistening from a distance. Carefully, she placed a sleeping Kunchen in Kishek’s arms. Then she walked toward @Rook’s favorite time travel vehicle, the fancy doors opening upward …
To reveal a preposterous looking hero who is in dire need of a good haircut. “That nice Colen could give him some good grooming tips i’m certain” thinks Teluria (Plant Hero!).
The haircut candidate is talking animatedly to a younger much more handsome hero… “Did you notice that Mr Fusion needed genuine SG brand gems to make the jump??? Dimensional jumps take more goodness than time jumps!!!.. What are you talking about? Who is Alex Keaton? Mallory? Is that a kind of vegetable??”
Teluria (Plant Hero!) finds this all a little bewildering…
Telluria coughed. “Excuse me, I am not a plant.”
“Are you a tree?” Marty McFly looked up and up. “You are huge.”
“You are small.” Telluria frowned at him before she focused on Doc Brown instead. “Colen is waving to you. He wants to comb your hair.”
“What a marvelous idea!” Doc Brown hopped out of the Delorean. “I haven’t had a makeover in ages! All this plutonium is giving me split ends.”
Telluria looked at the empty seat. Gingerly, she squeezed herself into the vehicle. Then she turned to Marty McFly and said–
“Will you take me to …”
… before I was created?"
Marty looked puzzled. “Why?”
“Then I can have some peace!” Telluria explained.
Marty shrugged, and started the engine. “Here we go…”
And the Delorean vanished… and reappeared in…
Telluria and Marty screamed as a T-Rex came lumbering at them!
“I didn’t mean this far back!” Telly shrieked.
“You should have specified!” Marty snapped back.
They both closed their eyes as…
… Hu Tao gasped. “Whoa! That was a close one!”
The T-Rex stepped right over the Delorean, thinking it just a shiny rock.
Telluria craned her neck at Hu Tao. “Where did you come from?”
“This back seat isn’t so bad.” Hu Tao slurped the last of his Dragonfruit Guava Smoothie. “Proteus and I have some wiggle room.”
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.” Proteus started quivering.
“Is that a Stegosaurian coming at us?” squeaked Marty. “Those are even bigger than an actual Stegosaurus!”
“Could you take us somewhere with less dinosaurs?” Hu Tao burped. “Excuse me.”
But a Pteranodon swooped down from the sky, snagging the Delorean, going high into the clouds. Then …
The Pteranodon angled upwards towards the top of the nearby cliffs where her newly-hatched and starving brood awaited her in their nest.
“Quick!” yelled Doc Brown (wedged in the back between Hu Tao and Proteus). “Strap in and then poke that giant bird.”
“WHAT!?!” screamed Marty and Telluria in unison.
“That bird thing will drop us. In exactly 4.3 seconds, by my calculations, gravity will accelerate us to 88 mph as we plummet earthwards. Then we can time travel out of here.”
“But … um … earthwards?”
“Travel to these coordinates and we will be fine.” Doc reeled off a set of numbers for Marty to enter as Telluria prepared to zap the Pteranodon …
… Telluria, Hu and Proteus all zapped the pteranodon!
The car began to fall!
“Trigger the mechanism now!” Doc Brown yelled!
Marty did, and the car vanished…
… and reappeared in…
… the Starship Enterprise!
Hu Tao gasped in awe. “I always wanted to meet Captain Kirk!”
Telluria nodded. “He is cute. But Scotty has that accent.”
“Pffft.” Marty shook his head. “I like Spock. I mean, look at those ears!”
“Guys, focus!” Giant ear fins trembled with fear. “This is not an improvement. We’re in SPACE!”
“Actually, you’re on my ship.” Captain Kirk raised an eyebrow, aiming his phaser. “Uninvited in fact. Explain.”
“Yes, thank you for not killing us.” Doc Brown stood tall, even though his hair had been combed flat. He looked years younger, as Colen was a masterful stylist. "We …
“… mean no harm. We have lost our transportation.”
Captain Kirk flicked on the giant screen, showing the Delorean floating upside down in space. “This thing?”
Everyone gasped, too distracted to notice Captain Kirk’s discrete nod.
“Jim, perhaps …” But Spock was too late.
The Delorean BLEW UP.
“My car!” Yelled Doc. Brown. How will i ever get back to 1955 again?"
“Doc,” Marty said, “you built it once, you can build it again. Whatever universe we are in, i’m sure they got the components for it.”
“Good idea kid,” said Hu Tao as he tried Spock’s drink.
But poor slow Hu Tao isn’t thinking about this at all!! Hu Tao is in panda unhappiness!!! They announced the proposed “balance” (to the Force?) and that annoying (what do they call her? Oh… “Bamboo Hero! That sounds reasonable!” thinks Hu Tao. (“and why do these heroes give me Guava’s? A Bamboo smoothie would be sooo sweet!!!”)…
“What did i get?? I’m more deadly!! I have always been awesome! They could have made me Average but this is an insult!..”
Hu Tao suddenly knew what he had to do to feel better.
So he took the 3pm train to visit Telluria.
When he reached Telluria’s house, he saw Telluria doing a bit of gardening.
He got really excited and started shouting:
“Hey Telly! I AM GETTING BUFFED AND YOU ARE GETTING A NERF. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
“Shut up” Telluria said
“No you shut up” countered Hu
Telluria couldn’t hack it anymore. She used Force of Forest on Hu Tao and Hu Tao fainted.
Telluria picked up Hu Tao and walked over to her neighbour Totoro’s house.
“Hey Totoro, I found a panda for you to play with.”
“Oh? You brought me another friend to play with?” said Totoro. “I already have Margaret, Atomos and Gormek here and they are still unconscious.”
“Just keep them quiet, I don’t want to see them ever again.”
Telluria slammed the door shut and walked off, steam venting from her head.
“What just happened?” Captain Kirk smacked the console in front of him. “How did that panda bear and giant tree disappear into a Studio Ghibli film?”
“My Neighbor Totoro is really quite excellent, Jim.” Spock raised an eyebrow at him. “You should give it a chance.”
“I prefer Spirited Away.” Captain Kirk sighed. “I like those soot sprite creatures.”
Proteus decided to be brave then. “We must save Hu Tao!”
“Please!” snorted Doc Brown. “That boy knows the backdoor to every story. He’ll find his way back.”
“But the giant tree seemed mad.” Marty shook his head. “Maybe we should–”
“Stop talking!” Captain Kirk growled. “We’ll go to the Transporter Room and …”