… was immediately silenced by Cabin Boy Peters!
“MMmmm! Mmmm! MMMM!” Hu Tao said.
“He can’t fire!” Proteus screeched, translating for his friend.
On the pirate ship, Neverland’s Captain Hook and Mr. Smee cackled together with their new friends - Captain Kestrel, Captain Sargasso, Lady Locke, First Mate Boomer, Cabin Boy Peters, Marie-Therese, Finley, and Creepy Uncle Vodnik!
Hu Tao closed his eyes, relaxing into the fall. He shut out all sound, enjoying the rush of air all around him.
“I’m here, I’m here!” Proteus flapped his giant ear fins, diving underneath his friend. “I’ll carry us both!”
The entire crew leaned over the railing, pointing and laughing. “Fat panda can’t fly!”
“This isn’t so bad.” Proteus fluttered left and right, pushing Hu Tao upward. “Did you lose weight?”
Even better, Hu Tao had found his zen. As such, he earned the permanent and most coveted buff:
Immune to status ailments forever.
In addition, he was so calm that he floated, up and up. He imagined himself on the pirate ship, with Proteus by his side, a new smoothie in his hand.
And it became so.
The entire pirate crew stared at him, stunned into silence.
“I made you a green tea smoothie!” @sleepyhead grinned. “It’s delicious and healthy.”
“Thank you dear @sleepyhead.” Hu Tao sipped slowly, eyes closed.
“Psst!” @nevarmaor peeked over the railing. “Are you mad? Should I dog paddle far, far away?”
“Nooo, man! It’s like, cool, and stuff.” said Hu, his eyes only half open “this flying thing is, like, well groovy”
Players and heros looked at each other in bewilderment.
“Is he wasted?” asked @akionna.
“Dunno, but I want a pint of what he’s on!” replied @Dr-Zoidberg.
Lady Locke pointed a bony arm at @sleepyhead and, with a snarl on her lips, asked, “Just what was in that smoothie? We’re not having stoned pandas on board this ship! He was slow before and now look at him!”
She was getting to ready her poisonous special when…
Hi Tao cast his special first.
He blinded everyone. But that green tea smoothie added something a little extra. Because his special did something else. It …
Firstly, made everyone very surprised. Surprised that a hopped up, slow moving panda could react so fast! Secondly, it rendered the entire ensemble incredibly relaxed, in a sort of Hu Tao reflected mood!? narrators edit: This thread is wayyyyy off track, or is it just me?
Anyhoo…Locke forget all about killing everyone and started giggling about how big her hands were. The entire assembly of players/narrators just fell to the ground and lay staring at the sky, marveling in how, like, it was so far away and other nonsensical gibberish.
Captain Sargasso, what with him being a captain and all, attempted to put the ship, and its faintly ludicrous crew, back on track, by ordering them to…
THINK.
Captain Sargasso cleared his throat. “What is this track that @Dr-Zoidberg speaks of?”
“It must be that secret track …” Lady Locke flexed long fingers.
“That leads to …” @sleepyhead blinked slowly.
“Hmmmmm.” Hu Tao waved a bamboo leaf, like that would help his brain.
“This track must be paved in gold.” @nevarmaor tapped his chin.
“That’s The Wizard of Oz.” @sleepyhead sighed. “We did that already.”
“Listen up!” @Dr-Zoidberg stood up in all his crustacean glory. “The track is …”
“Over there, in Sugar Rush” as he waved his claw in a westward direction.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” complained Captain Sargasso and @CaptainjaKCsparrow in unison, “that’ll take us leagues out of our way, and we’ll lose to Princess Vanellope once we get there anyway!” They threw their hands up in exasperated tandom and stomped off to the galley for some rum.
“Wow! Just…wow! Look at the size of my hands” mumbled Lady Locke, clearly impressed by her hands.
“Are we seriously going to do this?” asked @nevarmaor. “We’re clearly lurching from one random place and plot to another”. He wheeled around to glare at @Dr-Zoidberg. “I’m blaming you!” he shouted, “you’re blatant silliness and penchant for booze make you lead us into, quite frankly, unreadable plotlines!” @nevarmaor stomped off too, towards the back of the ship.
@akionna, @amrath or @sleepyhead were about to offer their opinion, when…
It’s me. Many apologies 
The Director walked in. From somewhere.
“So here’s the deal.” He waved his clipboard. “I used to guide the heroes in this story.”
“He had a script.” Hu Tao yawned. “Sometimes.”
“We had great adventures!” Proteus clapped his hands.
“Some serious battles.” @sleepyhead nodded.
“In medieval times.” @nevarmaor added. “Or space.”
“We got into legal trouble.” @sft1965 sighed.
The Copyright Lawyer appeared out of nowhere. Everyone groaned.
“Relax.” He muttered. “I’m not staying.”
“Order in my court!” Judge Judy banged her gavel on the deck. It cracked in half.
“This story can go anywhere.” @amrath whispered, hoping Judge Judy wouldn’t hear her.
“I’m not deaf!” Judge Judy growled. “I can hear your thoughts!”
Then she turned to @Dr-Zoidberg and said, “Where do you want to go?”
“Me? Umm…that’s a lot of pressure to put on a shellfish and you know we wilt when the going gets too hot.” For one with such a big mouth, @Dr-Zoidberg was suddenly struck dumb.
“I know! Let’s go to the arcade where Sugar Rush is and decide once we get there. Or, alternatively, we could go somewhere completely different. Who can tell?”. Everyone looked around to see where this thoroughly noncommittal comment had originated from.
“Try looking over the side” said the same voice.
As all crew rushed to the side and looked over, they were surprised to see…
… a Sarlacc! from t he Star Wars universe!
The Director threw up his hands in exasperation. “You see what I have to put up with here?” he complained to his assistant. This film is SO over-budget.
“Well, now look what you’ve got us into.” @amrath remarked to @Dr-Zoidberg.
“What, I’m a Doctor, not a literati. Oy!”
The Copyright Lawyer started to quiver and shake. Turning to Judge Judy he pleaded “Please, please, just one more time!” “NO” she trumpeted.
“What did you just say?” @nevarmaor asked @Dr-Zoidberg.
“I don’t even know. Woo woo woo woo.” @Dr-Zoidberg started sidestepping all over the deck, his claws clamping and unclamping.
“You may be a doctor, but I am THE Doctor.” said a new voice.
The Director threw his megaphone down in exasperation. “THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS! How many properties and genres are we mixing in here?!?! Do we even have all the copyright issues sorted out?!”"
The Copyright Lawyer curled into a ball and whimpered.
Lady Locke giggled. “My hands are bigger than the Lawyer, if I hold them up like this…”
“I just wanted to fly,” @sleepyhead said mournfully.
“Wait, we all can fly!” @amrath remembered. She jumped into the air…
And landed flat on her face. “Budget cuts will be made and it just started” says the director… “No more extra special effects (@sleepyhead just made the cut)”…
“AND, who is this new ‘Doctor’ ? All I see is a dishevelled extra waving a Phillips head screwdriver who just climbed out of a mail box”
A tear appears in the corner of the almost broken Directors eye…
“Hold on, good sir!” the ‘dishevelled extra’ came rushing over. “I can fix your problem there.”
“I can fix ANY leak!”
… “Can you fix this?”
Out of nowhere, Wreck-It-Ralph came crashing in!
@Dr-Zoidberg squealed. “Someone remembered my Sugar Rush reference!”
“OMG, OMG, OMG” squealed Dr Fixit, his hands on his cheeks as he danced around in delight. “It’s Fix-It Felix Jr!!!”
Hu Tao lazily floated up to the newcomers. “Smoothie?”
The Sarlacc held up it’s many tentacles. “Me, me! I’d put a bounty on that!”
“What’s going on now?” The Director stomped his foot. “We can’t just add more characters!”
“You’re right.” The Copyright Lawyer grinned slowly. “Goodbye.”
He shoved the Director over the railing.
“Just flap your arms!” @amrath rubbed her head.
“It’s not working!” The Director flailed helplessly.
“Budget cuts dude.” @sft1965 shrugged.
“Indeed.” Then Dr. Fixit tossed the Copyright Lawyer over the side. “Who’s next?”
Thankfully, nobody had to make a choice.
Because Proteus sneezed - his smoothie had cayenne pepper in it!
And his sneeze startled @akionna …
… who bumped into @sleepyhead…
… who stumbled and shoved Boomer…
… who dropped his anchor on Captain Hook’s foot…
… who began hopping like a madman and back-handed Captain Kestrel…
… who waved his arms around and accidentally shot at Judge Judy…
… who ducked, dropping her gavel onto @nevarmaor’s head…
… who head-butted Mila the tiny fairy…
… who bounced off @amrath’s head…
… who stumbled and grabbed at @CaptainjaKCsparrow…
… who dropped the remains of his abacus on Lady Locke’s boots…
… who swiped at Finley…
… who jumped and kicked Sargasso’s behind…
… whose hat flew off into Wreck-It-Ralph’s face…
… who waved around and bumped into Hu Tao’s bazooka…
… which blew a hole in the ship.
“Oh, no.” said everyone.
And the ship began to fall.
“Think happy thoughts” said Hu Tao, who dreamily floated up off the deck and started sailing lazily around the plummeting ship.
“Help” cried Proteus, madly flapping his arms and ears as he jumped high and then fell back to the deck again and again. “I’m too scared to think happy!”
Mila the tiny fairy was madly ringing her bell as she grabbed @nevarmaor’s lapels and tugged and tugged. Slowly, he came to after being gavelized and shook his head. “The ringing is not in my ears after all” he said as he started to float upwards. “Oh, you are my happy thought.” He reached out and grabbed Proteus as he floated by. “Come on, bro’, let’s go exploring!”
“Wait!” everyone else yelled. “What about us?”
“Oh fiddlesticks!” @nevarmaor and Hu Tao swooped around the falling ship, grabbing corners of sails and fastening them into a giant balloon. “Everyone yell loudly now!” bellowed @nevarmaor. “All that hot air should keep you afloat.”
“This is fun!” said Sleepyhead, remembering the times he went skydiving. The happy memories made HIM float off the ship and fly.
He giggled as he somersaulted in the air. “Try it, everyone, this is fun!”
Boomer concentrated. What made him happy?
Then he remembered… a little FTP girl had pulled him as her first 4* ever… and she had leveled him… and still used him in her 3/2 attack team despite also pulling Proteus, Rigard, Sabina, Merlin, Ameonna, Sartana, Domitia, Quintus, Obakan, Kunchen, Gafar, Fura, Grimble…
… and that thought made him shed a tear of joy…
… and he stretched his arms out.
“I can fly, too!” he laughed as he flew to join @nevarmaor, Mila the tiny fairy, Sleepyhead, a still-flapping, panicky Proteus, and Hu Tao.
Except… his anchor couldn’t think happy thoughts. It wasn’t alive.
And Boomer let go of his anchor…
… and it crashed into the giant balloon…
… and popped it.
“NOT AGAIN!” everyone yelled as they plummeted to the ground.
