… Magni!
@nevarmaor sat up. “I was expecting one of the Sleepyhead Harem, not you!”
“Why do you think I’m always showing off so much flesh?” Magni said. He made what seemed like a wink, but on this icy celestial it just looked like a grimace.
Magni strode… no… strutted! towards the pole…
Gripped it with one hand, going around slowly until somehow–
He was hanging upside down.
“My eyes!” @nevarmaor gasped. “Your jewels! Fix your little skirt!”
“Is he using his ankles to hold on?” Mila squinted at Magni.
“He’s sliding.” Proteus waved his hanky in worry.
“Have a power smoothie.” Hu Tao handed him a spinach spirulina concoction. “We’ll try it next.”
“I’m going next.” It was another voice, smooth and husky.
“Who said that?” @sleepyhead blinked in surprise.
“Why… don’t you recognize me?”
Sleepyhead began to shiver.
“Oh. Oh myyyyyy.”
A firm, strong hand brushed Sleepyhead’s cheek. It was…
Santa Claus.
“Ho, ho, ho!” chortled the much-coveted hero. “You summoned me twice! For that, you get a very special gift!”
With a grand flourish, he waved his arms.
@nevarmaor gasped and covered his eyes.
Proteus winced and hid under his hanky.
Hu Tao sipped his crushed candy cane smoothie.
@CaptainjaKCsparrow growled at his abacus and ignored everyone.
@sft1965 chuckled and shook his head.
@sleepyhead paled. “Is that …”
“… the most powerful passport in the world?!”
Sleepyhead fell to his knees. “Is… how…?”
Santa chuckled. “Oh, you don’t think I heard you complaining all those years, about your Philippine passport being “weak” and you needing a different tourist visa for nearly every other country on Earth?”"
Sleepyhead began to sniffle. “Like that time my Brazilian classmate was like, hey, let’s do a reunion in London? And I had to say, well I need a different visa just to set foot in the UK…”
“and one more in Ireland!” Santa chortled.
“What?” @akionna said. “I could cross the border between the UK and Ireland any time!”
“Don’t rub it in!” @CaptainjaKCsparrow hissed, thinking of his own passport.
“Or needing separate visas for the USA and Canada… or Australia and New Zealand…” Sleepyhead sobbed.
“What?” @sft1965 sat up straight. “Really? I could fly over to Auckland right now if I wanted… well, barring COVID…”
“I can only visit 63 countries without needing a visa!” Sleepyhead began to cry. “And most of them are in the center of Africa or are tiny island countries in the middle of nowhere!” He began to bawl. “And I needed three folders of documents just to get a visa to visit Japan for two weeks!”
“And that’s not all!” Santa’s eyes twinkled. “For summoning me twice this year, you also get an unlimited credit card for booking plane tickets!”
Sleepyhead’s tears of joy began pouring.
“There, there…” Proteus patted him on the back.
“Here,” said Hu Tao, offering Sleepyhead a banana-walnut-peanut butter-chocolate smoothie. “Where are you going first?”
Sleepyhead began to grin. “I think my first destination will be…”
“Philippines?” asked Proteus.
“Noooooooooooooo!” @sleepyhead yelled. But it was too late.
The scene tilted, and everyone rolled stage right.
“Oh my.” Hu Tao whispered in reverence. “This is the biggest mango orchard ever!”
“I smell lumpia!” @nevarmaor’s tummy grumbled.
“It’s too hot here.” Mila started shedding clothes again.
“Who is that?” @sft1965 pointed to a small but serious woman surrounded by little dogs.
@sleepyhead swayed suddenly, knocking over @CaptainjaKCsparrow. The abacus went flying and hit …
… Imelda Marcos’ collection of 3000 shoes!
“Our taxes!” Sleepyhead shrieked. Then he looked at the woman and the five little dogs walking along, and began to run…
Toward the Ninja Tower!
“Curses!” gasped @sleepyhead. “I need more healers!”
“I need more blessings!” grumbled @nevarmaor. “Why are these ninjas so mean?”
“I can’t go in there!” Proteus moaned. “I got cursed just for blinking!”
“I need another smoothie.” Hu Tao whipped up a cilantro kale concoction. “Maybe it’ll make me immune to curses.”
“No one is immune to curses.” @CaptainjaKCsparrow muttered. “But it does take planning.”
“My head hurts.” @amrath groaned. “I fell off Level 20 twice.”
Just then, the secret elevator to the Ninja Tower opened, and everyone gasped.
Hu Tao fell to his knees. “Bai Yeong! Why are you here in the Ninja Tower?”
Bai Yeong exited from the elevator and addressed Hu Tao. “You have been gone a long, long time glasshopper. Seminal events have occurred, which flowered to produce a most unexpected outcome. The long, eternal war is over; the Ninjas are our friends and allies. Come, let me explain.”
This was all too much, and Hu Tao fainted dead away.
One of the ninjas bent down to pick Hu Tao up.
“Thanks for helping him, Garnet…” Proteus was shaking out of concern.
“I’m Shale.” Shale said flatly.
“Oh… well, all you ninjas look alike,” Proteus shrugged.
“Yeah, you’re all interchangeable overpowered &%!@#*!…” @sleepyhead muttered, still angry that his last floor had gotten THREE of his best heroes cursed! All dupes - dupe Sabina, dupe Proteus, dupe Grimm… but still!
“So explain. How did you come to make peace?” @nevarmaor asked.
“Snacks we bring you.” Bai Yeong offered a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
“You are not Yoda!” grumbled Proteus.
“I want cookies!” @nevarmaor took the whole plate. “Got milk?”
“I want a 5-star ninja … and matching troops!” @sleepyhead grumbled.
“I want to burn the tower down.”
Everyone froze. That was Hu Tao. And he woke up very, very cranky. With his rocket launcher.
Uh-oh.
“Umm, I’ll share a cookie with you. All you had to do was ask.” @nevarmaor muttered. “Your smoothies are better than milk anyway … amirite?”
“BAO YEUNG” Hu Tao bellowed. “EXPLAIN HOW THIS CAN BE!” He carefully aimed the rocket launcher at the base of the ninja tower. “I have a lot of rockets, and very little patience.”
Proteus looked anxiously at his friend. “Hu, what has come over you my friend?”
All the ninjas gathered in a circle and began singing “Who are you? Who Hu, Who Hu?”
“Umm, that’s not helping …” stated @sleepyhead, elbowing them out of the way. “You guys are never any help to me at all.”
Bai Yeong looked sadly at Hu Tao. “It has been a long time glasshopper …”
“Enough with the Kung Fu flashbacks! How on earth are the ninjas our friends after all the years I have spent separated from my family because of them? HOW!?!?!”
Bai Yeong slowly retreated towards the ground as his legs scissored under him. “At the beginning, start we must.”
“Who let the dogs out?” The circle of ninjas started singing and dancing. “Hu, Hu, Hu!”
“Not helping!” hissed @sleepyhead.
“Irritating, overpowered fu–” Hu Tao punched a flying frying pan off his face. “Eat this.”
“Nooooooooo!” wailed Proteus. “Maybe they lack rhythm–”
But it was too late. Hu Tao blasted the singing ninjas back to the Design Phase. Where they never should have left.
“I could have summoned one of them …” @nevarmaor coughed at the ninja dust.
Hu Tao raised an eyebrow, facing his favorite forum poster.
“Or not.” @nevarmaor raised his hands and backed away. “Odds were against me.”
Hu Tao pulled out his emergency smoothie. He didn’t want to blast his friends. He wanted to blow that tower to smithereens.
“Little grasshopper …” began Bai Yeong.
Hu Tao aimed his rocket launcher at the voice.
“Ok, ok.” Bai Yeong cleared his throat. “It was a dark and stormy night …”
“And I was sipping a Dark and Stormy in my little hut…”
“Is that a new kind of smoothie?” Proteus whispered. Sleepyhead shushed him.
“When one of those ninjas… was it Cobalt? Onyx? I mix them up all the time…”
“Tell me about it…” @nevarmaor muttered, still annoyed at how costly Ninja Tower had been.
“And then…” Bai Yeong paused.
Everyone leaned forward.
“And then?!” @akionna asked.
Hu Tao shushed everyone. “Master Bai Yeong… what…?”
And then Bai Yeong suddenly sat upright and…
Got clobbered by a dozen gift boxes!
“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa chuckled. “Are these ninjas depressing or what?”
Hu Tao leaned over Bai Yeong. “Is he dead?”
“Eh!” Santa waved his hand, sending more gift boxes flying. “He’ll wake up in time for the next Ninja Tower.”
“I need to craft a million timestops and tornadoes,” @nevarmaor grumbled.
“That will take …” @CaptainjaKCsparrow pulled out his abacus. “Two years, six weeks …”
“Why are you here?” @sleepyhead asked. “I haven’t leveled you up yet.”
“I come bearing gifts!” Santa gestured at Rudolph, who threw a giant gift sack at him.
“Carry your own sh–” Extra heavy cast iron pans knocked Rudolph unconscious.
“Careful Santa!” Proteus trembled. “You’re going to kill us with your generosity.”
“First Hu Tao!” Santa shoved a massive box at him. “Open it!”
Hu Tao grabbed the box with trembling fingers.
“It’s HUGE” he gasped. “I hope it’s not a giant crate of bamboo shoots. That’s all I ever got for Christmas.”
“Ho ho ho, don’t worry little bear. It’s not bamboo this year.”
Hu Tao carefully eased the tape off of one end of the box. He liked the shiny paper wrapping and thought it could be useful.
“Auugh, this is taking too long!” @nevarmaor dove in and shredded the paper off the box, to reveal …
“What is this?” asked Hu Tao.
“It says Nerf Bazooka Rocket Launcher” @akionna read off the box label.
“Nerf?” said Hu Tao, a strange gleam coming into his eye as he unboxed the device and placed it on his shoulder …
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and Santa was good to you. Happy New Year!!
“So light!” Hu Tao wiggled his shoulders. “Let me test this …”
Oops!
He accidentally fired a shot …
“Duck!” @nevarmaor gasped, but it was too late.
“I didn’t feel anything.” @sleepyhead shrugged. “Maybe he missed?”
“But he didn’t …” Proteus whispered. “Look!”
@CaptainjaKCsparrow whipped out his abacus. “At this rate, it’ll take one year, six months–”
“What’s happening man?” @sft1965 popped into the thread.
“I’m fine!” @sleepyhead yelled at everyone.
In fact, he did feel fine except–
“OMG, where did your abs go?” gasped Rigard.
“We match!” chuckled Santa, jolly as ever.
“Where did your hair go?” asked Lancelot.
Then @sleepyhead turned to Hu Tao–
“Did you just nerf me?”
Sleepyhead grabbed Hu Tao by the collar. “Do you know how much time and effort it took, to move from a 6-pack to an 8-pack!?!?! I had to go without wine for months!”
Santa began chuckling again. “Wine is better than looking good!”
“Not when you have to maintain a harem of hot men!” Sleepyhead snapped.
Suddenly…
@CaptainjaKCsparrow whistled. " … three weeks, two days, eight hours! That’s how long to get your fantastic physique back in shape."
Rigard whimpered. Lancelot paled.
“Undo! Undo!” @sleepyhead jumped on Santa. “You are a bad, bad man.”
“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa chortled. “I did not shoot you.”
“But everyone knows not to give Hu Tao any rocket launchers!” @nevarmaor hissed.
“Watch out!” Proteus gasped.
A gigantic goblin crate fell from the sky, nearly crushing @sleepyhead.
“Your turn.” Santa smiled with mischief. “Open it.”
Sleepyhead shook his fist. “I’m not opening ANYTHING until you change me back…!”
Suddenly, the crate opened… and out stepped… a good-looking, though not drop-dead gorgeous, man with a goofy smile.
It was Sleepyhead’s first crush!
Sleepyhead jumped. “I can’t let him see me like THIS!”
But Sleepyhead’s crush took his hand. “Sleepyhead, you look just as adorable as ever!”