âAre you kidding? Iâve forgotten all about you, i want to at-tack Barney McGee here.â Grimm said with a annoyed glance at Barney. âOr maybe i should call him Barney the purple dragon. You know what happened to him? He got hit over the head with a 2x4.â Grimm smiled with malicious intent.
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Miki zapped Grimm. He was talking too much. Clearly he hadnât recovered from losing his gym.
His stomach rumbled. He frowned, wondering if it was a bad idea to swallow so many rings at once.
Just like that, his stomach heaved, causing Miki to lurch. He lost his balance, crushing Barney, sending him back to reruns on TV.
He rolled over, flattening poor Proteus. He waved his white hanky in surrender, but no one noticed.
They were all too busy staring at the sand, at the bright, sparkling colors. Miki had spit up the all-powerful gems.
It was a mad dash of arms and legs. Who would claim the rings now?
The winner surprised everyone. It was âŚ
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⌠The Abominable Snowman!
His eyes twinkled as he held the rings in his hand.
Poor flattened Proteus began to tremble.
Miki held his hands up and backed away, slowly. âEasy there, buddy.â
Hu Tao retched a bit. âAre those gems clean? They were just in Mikiâs digestive⌠urkâŚâ
Grimm tensed his lean muscles, getting ready to make a move.
The Abominable Snowman laughed. âI can make them clean!â The gems began to sparkle.
âAnd now⌠I think IâllâŚâ
He concentrated, and a hot tub appeared!
The Abominable Snowman got one of those transparent, waterproof plastic pouches, put the gems inside, and put the pouch around his neck. Then he climbed into the tub and let out a little sigh of contentment.
âAhhhhâŚâ
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Grimm shed the awful French maid nonsense. Besides, Kiril was rumored to have the same costume. That just made him shudder.
He stepped into the hot tub, his loin cloth floating to the surface. He didnât hear the Abominable Snowman gaspâ
âYour jewels are huge.â
He did see a hundred flags smack the snowman into unconsciousness.
@Rook jumped onto the hot tub, sitting on the edge, eyeing Grimm with suspicion.
He frowned. This black cat was in the way. He just needed to reach around to grab the gems.
While Grimm used all his brain cells to outmaneuver @Rook, someone else grabbed the plastic pouch.
âMy turn!â The voice hollered in triumph. It was âŚ
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⌠smarmy Kunchen!
âNow I can make my OWN jewels huge!â cackled the smarmy rogue.
A thousand flags slammed into his midsection and between his legs. Kunchen collapsed to the ground, still clutching the plastic pouch.
âUrkkkâŚâ Kunchen squeaked. âBut see, it would have hurt more if my jewels had been hugeâŚâ
The magical frying pan, which had recently been promoted to Moderator, appeared out of nowhere and bopped him on the head.
The force caused Kunchen to let go of the pouch.
It was picked up byâŚ
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Hu Tao.
The panda warrior frowned at the pouch. It was causing so much trouble. He really just wanted everyone to get along. Without much effort, the following events took place:
-
A gym popped up, even more massive than before. Grimm squealed with delight, running toward his beloved free weights.
-
The snow vanished, and the tropical paradise reappeared. Everyone shed their winter gear and donned swimsuits. Even Miki.
-
The Abominable Snowman started melting in the hot tub. Sadly no one noticed.
-
Kunchen tried to walk but fell down. Why did he feel so heavy ⌠down there? He took a peek and fainted with joy. Grimm would be jealous.
-
Proteus got new handkerchiefs. In every color. He was very happy.
-
A smoothie shimmered into Hu Taoâs hands. It was magical and bottomless. It would be any flavor he wanted. He would never run out.
Hu Tao took a long sip of pineapple mango goodness. Then he smiled and flung the pouch into the ocean.
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âScreee, [click][click][click][click], screee.â
A dolphin jumped out of the waves with the pouch in its mouth.
âFlipper!â yelled a small boy running down the beach. âWhat do you have there?â
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â[click], scree [click]. [click], SCREEâ (Itâs a frigging precious pouch moron; out with the fish? Deal? thanks google translateâŚ)
Hu Tao despairsâŚ
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He did not speak dolphin. Google Translate was glitchy today.
Hu Tao backed away, wondering if Flipper was going to change reality. Could he keep his precious smoothie? Would Grimm cry without his gym?
Flipper flung the gem pouch toward the boy. He almost caught it. He didnât see that shadow move. He didnât see âŚ
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The envious @sft1965 diving with the desperation only crazy knows. âDo you realise the value here? I could level up heroes and be being an actual real life true playerâŚâ
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With that, realization struck all the F2P Rebellion.
@sleepyhead dove in. âI could have Finley, Raffaele, ooh Arthur.â
@Saphirra followed. âI could have a real âArch Enemyâ hero on my team!â
@CaptainjaKCsparrow chimed in too. âA fast Isarnia 
â
@akionna too charged in. âImagine the heroes the boy could pull.â
Not to be left out, @nevarmaor dove over top of them all. âI could make Sharan a 5*. Sheâll definitely stop shooting me in the forehead after that!â
It was literally a FREE for all 
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Isarnia bopped @CaptainjaKCsparrow on the head!
âGet your wish right! You donât want a Fast Isarnia. You want your Isarnia to become fast!â She said angrily.
"Of course dear. Why would I want another Isarnia when I have you who knows me so well. 
" winked @CaptainjaKCsparrow. âCan you help us with this situation? Seems like the entire FTP gang is crumbling.â
âOf course.â She said gracefully â â â â â â â â her forefinger in the general direction of the ruckus. Everyone in the surroundings - except Isarnia and @CaptainjaKCsparrow - froze.
âSometimes I forget how scarily powerful she is.â mumbled @CaptainjaKCsparrow, too afraid to even think about what would have happened had he accidentally summoned another Isarnia - the havoc they both would wreak fighting one another. He shuddered at that thought.
Meanwhile, Isarnia took that pouch and made it into 6 pouches using her magical powers.
One each for @sleepyhead, @Saphirra, @akionna, and @nevarmaor.
She gave one to @CaptainjaKCsparrow. @CaptainjaKCsparrow was quick with his wish - âI want my dear Isarnia to become fast.â
A small glow appeared around Isarnia and faded quickly - indicating that her mana speed is fast.!
She indeed became fast, she was freezing the trees and rocks in the surroundings in real time without having to wait for her mana bar to charge. She looked positively happy doing that.
âWait, who are you going to give that 6th pouch?â he asked.
âI am going to use it.â winked Isarnia âI am taking us to a private island far far away from everyone.â
âOoh boyâŚ! That sounds fun! Unfreeze everyone here before we go away.â
She unfroze everyone. Gave them their pouches.
And they waved a good bye to the rest of the gang. âWe are going on a vacation!â
âWhere?â
âDoesnât matter.â winked @CaptainjaKCsparrow "I have been with the slow Isarnia. And it. has. been. mind. blowing. Now, she wants to show me how much more awesome she is now that she. is. fast. "
âShutup!!â Isarnia whispered in his ear as she giggled and waved a good bye to the rest of the gang.
They both disappeared.
And now, @sleepyhead, @Saphirra, @akionna, and @nevarmaor stood around holding the pouches in their hands.
Now that they actually have free wishes at their disposal, they started re-considering their original wishes.
@nevarmaor was the first to break the silence. âShould I wish for Sharan to become a 5* orâŚâ
âOrâŚ?â @Saphirra asked.
âUmm⌠I mean thereâs a new red 5* coming up. She is a ranger too. She looks quite beautiful tooâŚâ
âReuben isnât a sheâŚâ said @Saphirra
âSheâŚ?â @sleepyhead asked thoughtfully, and then he gasped as the realization struck him.
âDo you mean Gefjon?!â
âBut she hasnât been released yet.â asked @akionna
@nevarmaor shrugged off the concerns. âWhy not?â he asked⌠when suddenlyâŚ
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⌠Kunchen reappeared, walking normally!
âHey, I thought you had growing problems?â Sleepyhead worded his exclamation carefully, to avoid getting flagged.
âIâm back to normal!â wailed smarmy Kunchen. âI didnât even get to take a picture for the memories!â
âThen that meansâŚâ gasped @nevarmaor in realization.
âThose gems arenât real!â @akionna concluded. âThey must be fake gems that only alter things temporarily!â
âbut howâŚ!â @Saphirra wondered.
Then they paused again, and gasped.
âSo whatâs happening with fast Isarnia and @CaptainjaKCsparrow now?!â
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Faraway in a beach house on a private islandâŚ
Ummm⌠did you feel any difference?
Are you saying that it was boring? 
Of course not! It was awesome.!!
Then??
It was not awesom-er than usual.
Isarnia sighed and said, âTruth be told⌠I didnât feel any difference either.â
âAre you implying that it was boring??? â @CaptainjaKCsparrow was ready with that retort.
âWe can do this all day long. So, just shut up and continueâŚâ
âYes, Mâam!â
@Rook who was listening to this whole conversation. Grabbed a knapsack full of flags and appeared before the couple to throw the flags at them.
But she didnâtâŚActually, she couldnâtâŚ
âHey, @Rook! Long time no seeâŚâ said @CaptainjaKCsparrow
âWhat are you guys doingâŚ???â @Rook asked flabbergasted!
âIce creams! We wanted to test out Isarniaâs fast mana speed and so we got around to making tons of ice creams: Vanilla, Chocolate-chip, Strawberry, Coconut⌠you want some??â
Suddenly, everything made so much more sense to @Rook
She grabbed a coconut ice cream.
âI think your flags will find more use on the other beach where Kunchen is talking about some jewels.â said @CaptainjaKCsparrow giving a subtle smile and offered another cone of icecream to @Rook.
@Rook disappeared from that place with that new-found info.
âThat was some quick thinking to avoid those flagsâŚâ giggled Isarnia nibbling at his ear.
Meanwhile, on the beach where our gang stood with their fake wish pouchesâŚ
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â⌠well, if the reality changes are only temporary, we can do some really evil stuff!â giggled Sleepyhead.
âLike what?â @akionna asked.
âI could conjure up hot straight men and have fun, and then they will disappear cause it never really happened,â Sleepyhead began rubbing his hands.
âOrâŚâ his evil grin became wider.
âIâm going to scare the living bejeezus out of all the +20 bullies who attacked my watchtower and whom I couldnât revenge because their heroes were too strongâŚâ
Elsewhere in E&P landâŚ
An unnamed cup dropper was chuckling to himself as he climbed his way back up the ladder. He had baited other players with three unlevelled 3*s as his defense - he wouldnât even give them the benefit of filling up their raid chest easily. But now he had his +20 all-rare hero defense back up (Alfrike tank flanked by Telly and Lady of the Lake, with Finley and Seshat wings! yeesh!) and was beating up unsuspecting other players.
He chortled as he finally filled his raid chest. He opened it; meh, mostly rubbish. But it helped him finish the Raid Valor challenge.
He set his phone down for a moment to have a cup of coffee and go to the bathroom.
When he came back, he chuckled again as he opened the game; he always enjoyed seeing those poor weaker players revenging against him. He usually sat at 2850 cups; last time a player with only 2100 had lost 3 revenges in a row. Sleepyhead, was the name. He had gloated on chat, saying âwake up, loser sleepyhead!â
He opened his watchtower, and almost dropped his phone.
NO! It could not be! His defense had lost 20 times in a row? Minus 900 cups?!?!?
Did he set the wrong team? Why was his defense 5 Derrics???
He thumbed through his roster. No! No! Where was Telly? Alfrike? Drake? Lianna? Mitsuko? Finley?
He sorted by rarity⌠HIS STRONGEST HERO WAS DAWA???
He dropped his phone. Then he dropped to his knees.
I WILL NEVER FINANCIALLY RECOVER FROM THIS!!!
Elsewhere Elsewhere in E&P landâŚ
The leader of the Dirty Fighters alliance (disclaimer: I pulled this name out of thin air, any resemblance to real alliance names was unintended) messaged her troops. âOkay, folks, this is our new alliance name - Fighting Dirty. You all go, and Iâll have my alt hold the fort.â
âAye aye boss!â"
âTime to murder our next enemy!â
âHee hee, theyâll get a kick out of our +20 defenses magically appearing in war!â
The leader watched as her members left one by one. They were efficient, everyone knew exactly when they had to be online to pull off their shuffle. They had been playing together almost 3 years, but of course, once they had learned of the shuffling strategy their longest-living alliance had been 4 months. She scoffed at the forum-goers saying that their Titan loot would be bad. Sure, it would at the beginning, but winning wars easily more than made up for it.
They were, on average, level 60. Last war, they had murdered some opponents with an average level of 40, earning almost double their score.
She knew it wasnât cool. Some forum poster called @TGW had made a meme about it. But so what? It was an exploit, and perfectly âlegalâ.
It gave them plenty of satisfaction, opening war chests after 5 straight wins. All those EHTs did add up.
She watched as the last left, and checked the alliance settings carefully. Cup levels at 1800; invite only. Her alt would let them back in.
Then she leftâŚ
⌠and typed in Fighting Dirty in alliance searchâŚ
⌠and it wasnât there.
She checked her notebook again. Nope, that was it⌠how?
She went back to Dirty FightersâŚ
⌠and couldnât find it, either.
She gasped.
Her LINE chat blew up.
âWhat gives, boss??? Neither of our alliances exists?â
âWhat happened??? Why canât I find it?â
Before she could replyâŚ
⌠their LINE chat got deleted.
The leader sank down slowly. LINE was their only means of communication.
All those years of fighting dirtyâŚ
⌠and now they were being punished.
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Elsewhere, Elsewhere Elsewhere in E&P landâŚ
Giggles McSpud texted his crew. âItâs time.â One by one they entered the unsuspecting open alliance that was, according to their calculations, due to spawn a rare titan. They would blitz the titan and sneak off with the booty before the alliance even knew what hit them.
âAll here?â âRight on cue.â And up popped a rare titan with bonus scopes. âOk, fire at will.â
But ⌠Giggles looked at his screen in disbelief. No titan flags?!? Where were they? He scrambled to get his items screen open. No flasks either??? What was going on?
The crew text screens were awash with disbelief. No one could hit the titan. All they could do was watch as the rest of the alliance members started hitting away at it.
A message appeared in the alliance chat. âWelcome to all the new members, but why are you not attacking the titan? You canât get any loot if you donât hit it.â They all slunk away, tails between their legs.
Apparently this is a thing
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Giggles McSpud
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âAw dammit motherfââ The frying pan zoomed from the trees and bonked @akionna good.
âWhatâs up potty mouth?â @sleepyhead chuckled.
âYour phoneâs on fire.â @nevarmaor frowned. âWhy?â
âWe broke the game.â @akionna sighed. âI think.â
As if on cue, phones owned by the FTP Rebellion burst into blames. Accounts went glitchy ⌠players started losing levels ⌠5-stars became 1-stars. The once coveted Lianna became the common Aife.
âUNDO!â @sleepyhead hollered at everyone.
âWait!â @nevarmaor jumped up. âWe can fix this! Weâre not done tormenting all the bullies! We just have to âŚâ
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â⌠balance Telluria.â nevarmaor grinned wickedly. "And I know just how to do it.
He held his pouch carefully and cocked his head. âThere, done!â
Elsewhere, EVERYWHERE in E&P land âŚ
The GTV teams were in freefall. All the whales were in shock. They were losing cups by the hundreds. They looked at their heroes.
Telluriaâs effects were all flipped. Now she gave +24% mana generation to opponents. All allies lost 306 HP over two turns. And Vela, poor Vela now ADDED 171 HP to opponents over four turns and boosted their attack 34%.
Poor @Razor couldnât figure out what was going on. Now, according to collected data, all of a sudden the top tank was ⌠was ⌠Obakan? Flanked by ⌠Dawa?
The top 100 was a solid wall of f2p and newbie players. It was just beautiful.
Slowly, their phones began to cool âŚ
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⌠then they began to heat up again, as other hard-to-get heroes fell to the rebalancing effects!
Finley now healed and boosted the defenses of enemy heroes!
Jabberwock gave an un-dispellable Heal over Time to the heroes on wing!
Ariel slowed the mana and dispelled buffs from her own team!
Drake Fong hit and blinded himself and his flanks!
Seshat granted replicating minions to the hero she hit!
Mother North had a 10% chance to kill her own allies!
Alby had a 33% chance to kill one of his own allies!
Alfrike hit her own team with cubes!
Guardian Chameleon changed his teamâs weakness to be the same color as the majority color in the attackerâs stack!
Gravemaker and Clarissa poisoned and burned themselves!
Hel froze her own teamâs mana!
Margaret and Inari gave the enemy 100% accuracy and increased their mana every time they hit something!
âI donât know how to feel about this,â Sleepyhead said. âNow my Margaret, Seshat, Lepus and Malosi are useless⌠Lepus casts an undispellable defense debuff on himself but heals the enemy? Malosi blocks his own allies from casting status? And every non-vanilla I have⌠darn it⌠I ascended Aeron before Sartana, and Gregorion before KadilenâŚâ
âTake courage, Sleepyhead,â @nevarmaor said. âWeâre FTP! Weâre used to doing things with only vanillas! You still have Marjana and Isarnia and JoonâŚâ
âWell, at least itâs fairâŚâ added @akionna
But suddenlyâŚ
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