… before they realized how unnecessary it was. In fact, they really ought to be moving toward Baby Intern Nerfster. She was the one with the flashing green button. All the other nerfsters were STILL blind (because Hu Tao’s special lasted 28 turns).
Margaret approached the young nerfster, offering a sweet smile. “I would love a buff. OR TEN. Would you do me the honor?”
Baby Intern Nerfster nodded enthusiastically. She zapped Margaret, watching the green hero wince. “Are you ok?”
“Yes, thank you. Just wasn’t expecting it.” Margaret blew hair out of her face. “Let me just …” Then she aimed her special at Colen, watching him jump in surprise … before he started dancing.
“Yo.” Atomos shook his head in disappointment. “How could you get worse? Who needs a dancing special?”
“Some gazelle hero does it.” Gormek slurped a Cactus Smoothie, choking on a few spines. “Hu Tao! The buff didn’t work on Margaret!”
But Hu Tao had that serene look on his face. “Of course it did. Look at Colen now.”
They all turned to see …
4 Likes
…Friar Tuck coming out of nowhere and yelling very loudly
“WHERE IS MY NERF! GIVE ME A NERF. NERF NERF NERF NERF”
Friar Tuck was dribbling like a buffoon and he had a crazy look in his eyes.
There was then a deathly silence.
The Nerf Squad, Gormek, Colen, Hu Tao, Margaret and Atomos stared blankly at Friar Tuck. They were in utter disbelief.
“Why would you want a nerf?” Gormek asked, curious as to why Friar wanted to demote himself.
“Just give me a nerf, I don’t care. I WILL TAKE ANYTHING.” Tuck screamed, his eyes going cross-eyed.
Margaret slapped Friar Tuck in the face.
“What the heck are you doing.” Margaret said, “I hate you Tuck. I hate you because…”
5 Likes
" … you’re smirking. Just like Colen."
Then Margaret froze, suspecting, but not sure, not until Friar Tuck tried to flip his hair (which were just tufts really, short and stubby on each side of his head).
“Check it!” Atomos hollered. “Margaret done turned Colen into Friar Tuck!”
“Whoa.” Gormek squinted at the rotund hero. “So creepy.”
“Wait for it.” Hu Tao rubbed his hands together. “Do you see?”
No one could see. Not until they all looked DOWN to see tiny, bouncing objects attacking Friar Tuck.
“Are those my minions?” gasped Margaret. “They’re so cute!”
“What are they?” Gormek frowned. “Musical instruments? Push pop ice creams?”
“Me next, little nerfster!” Atomos got giddy. “I want–”
Baby Intern Nerfster shot him before he finished his sentence.
Atomos staggered from the blow, but he shook it off. He was ready. He’d been waiting FOREVER for a buff. So he aimed his special at …
4 Likes
Friar Tuck. But wait, there were two Friar Tucks now, staring each other down.
“Imposter, blackguard, ruffian!” said one, pointing pointedly at the other. “Who are you to don my image and sully my reputation so?”
“Imposter, vainglorious imitator, rapscalion!” said the other, brandishing his fist in anger. “How dare you mock me so?”
Atomos dropped his arms to his sides and just stared at the scene. Who was who now? His poor overworked brain tried to puzzle out the answer, when it slowly dawned on him – what did it matter? Just shoot both!
So he did.
A giant explosion erupted, fire and brimstone flying in all directions. Everyone dove for cover. When the dust cleared, there was no mismatched set of Friars anymore. Instead, there were a million teeny tiny Atomoses (Atomi? Atomoose? I dunno) running helter skelter everywhere.
4 Likes
“So that’s the secret of buffs? Give everyone minions?” Gormek asked.
“Not quite…” said the Baby Intern Nerfster. She zapped Gormek, and…
“I feel… HUNGRY!” Gormek said. He turned towards the minions and… began sucking them in! Like a vacuum!
“Whoa, you really ARE the hungry!” Atomos watched, as minions began flying everywhere towards Gormek.
Suddenly…
3 Likes
… Gormek burped. “Too many minions! You turned me into Gobbler!”
The Baby Intern Nerfster shook her head. “Actually, you have 500% damage, plus 100% defense down, plus your speed is also Very, Very Fast … and you have a Blue Reflect, just like Mitsuko!”
Atomos growled. “What about me? Did I just turn the Double Friar Tucks in a million mini-me minions? Is that my new special?”
The young nerfster shook her head. “You have INIFINITE revives! Like, you can’t ever die. Plus you have the new drowning special, the one Vela used to have, but death is instantaneous. Also, if anyone ever complains about you, RNG automatically gives them Dawa from the portal.”
“Guys.” Hu Tao pointed to the oncoming rush of heroes. “I’m just going to put this new Titanium Shield up. It’s part of my special.”
“I can evade everyone!” Margaret proclaimed.
“Yes, but you’re all sweaty.” Hu Tao shrugged. “You can take a break while this bunch tries to attack.”
Then arrow barrage started and …
2 Likes
… another Nerf Squad contingent arrived!
“Why do they look like a K-Pop band?” Margaret wondered.
The Baby Intern Nerfster gasped. “Oh, you’re gonna get it now…”
From afar, they could hear: “Prepare… THE NERF CANNON!”
Atomos, Gormerk, Margaret and Hu Tao began charging their specials. Who will win? The souped-up, newly buffed foursome? Or… The Nerf Cannon?
4 Likes
The Titanium Shield won.
The massive cannon balls bounced off the shield and hit the very popular K-Pop band BTS … who was also masquerading as the Way Cooler Nerf Squad.
“Ow! This side gig is dangerous!” RM yelled. “Why are we doing this?”
“I want to dance!” Then Jimin spun in a perfect circle, arms extended, his energy contagious.
“We should just sing here!” Jungkook smiled. “Suga and J-Hope, start rapping!”
They did. And the Dance Line executed wild, hip swiveling moves–all in perfect unison. V flipped his hair and winked at everyone.
Margaret gasped in surprise. He was way prettier than Colen. And not nearly so irritating either. “Why are we fighting them?”
“We’re not.” Hu Tao pointed to the Titanium Shield. “We’re not doing anything.”
Then the song ended, and Gormek clapped enthusiastically. He was even dancing, swinging his hips! It wasn’t pretty, but he didn’t care. He was having fun.
The boys bowed, waving at everyone, and ARMYs all around the world sighed happily. If only they could go to an actual concert.
For anyone that didn’t understand the K-Pop references, no worries. Here is the summary:
- The Titanium Shield won.
- No one died.
- The newly buffed foursome got an impromptu concert.
Meanwhile, @sleepyhead was already plotting the Next Nerf Squad. In fact …
2 Likes
out of character
LOL! Why am I not surprised that @akionna is a K-Pop fan (or at least knowledgeable)
back in character
1 Like
… then the Black Eyed Peas showed up!
They began singing “Where Is The Love”, attuned as they were to happenings on the E&P forums!
BTS felt threatened. They began to perform, too!
Hu Tao, Margaret, Atomos, and Gormek stood transfixed. The 2 Friar Tucks (one was still really Colen) began to stand up, and Atomos bopped them both on the head.
They watched a battle of the bands unfold…
3 Likes
Hu Tao sat down, getting comfortable on the grass. “This Titanium Shield will hold forever. I think.”
“I’m hungry.” Gormek grumbled. “Those minions didn’t taste so good.”
“Here.” Margaret passed around big bowls of popcorn with extra butter. “Don’t let the kernels get stuck in your teeth.”
“Quiet homies!” Atomos leaned forward. “Jimin is dancing again. He’s my bias.”
“I like V.” Margaret sighed. “But everybody likes him.”
“Excuse me?” Baby Intern Nerfster waved frantically. “I love the music and all … but do you see that? Will it kill us?”
Everyone turned to see …
3 Likes
… an army of Friar Tucks!
Everyone’s jaws dropped. “Who are these?!”
Proteus, Azlar and Marjana came stumbling out of the woods! “They’re all the other heroes!” panted Azlar. “Somehow, they all became Friar Tuck!”
3 Likes
“Well, that’s just wrong.” Atomos shivered in distaste. “My eyeballs are scarred for life.”
Hu Tao chuckled. “Friar Tuck is not part of my special.”
“But it’s too many!” Margaret paled. “That creepy grin multiplied by 100 …”
Baby Intern Nerfster blasted the incoming Army of Tucks. A bright purple light blinded them all … but only for a few seconds.
When everyone’s vision cleared, the Army of Tucks had disappeared. Now it was an Army of Renfelds!
“Not an improvement!” roared Azlar. “We must …”
5 Likes
“…stop the Renfields from getting their costumes, otherwise they will baby Onatel us and we will be overwhelmed!!”
The legion of Renfields marched towards Friar Tuck’s clothing cabinet (which just randomly apparated Harry Potter-style out of thin air)
There was no stopping the Renfields. They wanted their costumes badly.
“Quick, we need someone with a great AOE attack to silence them!” yelled Gormek
It was at that very moment that everyone stopped to look at …
4 Likes
[quote=“akionna, post:895, topic:158243”]
“Quiet homies!” Atomos leaned forward.
[/quote]. This is just marvellousness!!
2 Likes
… Azlar. He paused mid-slurp of his Cactus Smoothie.
“I don’t have a blind special.” Azlar shook his impressive mane. “It would be nice though …”
Baby Nerfster shot the red hero in the face. His smoothie went flying. Hu Tao of the Very, Very Fast Speed caught it easily.
“Try now!” She smiled happily.
Azlar frowned, but shot his special in the general direction of the Renfeld Army. Half of them got set on fire PLUS went blind PLUS lost all mana …
Then fell asleep.
The other Renfelds got shoved into the Tuck Costume Chamber instead. They emerged at once, massively buffed, looking rather smug.
“Homie!” Atomos yelled at Azlar. “Your aim needs work yo!”
But someone was laughing at them. It was …
4 Likes
… the Baby Intern Nerfster!
“You forget we have a great mana controller here…” then she zapped Proteus!
Proteus began glowing. “Oh, my. This is what it feels like?!”
“You were already good before…” Gormek pouted, remembering how Proteus was sleepyhead’s 2nd 4* ever, and he was the 1st, and it was clear which of them had been sleepyhead’s favorite…
“To be fair, we are all very much buffed now,” Hu Tao pointed out.
“It feels… GREAT!” Proteus laughed. Then he fired his newly-buffed special at the army of Renfelds!
They got hit by direct damage, DoT, mana block, silence, AND they took damage AND began hitting themselves!
“I’m a combination Hel, Hansel, Gretel, Merlin and Peters!” Proteus laughed!
But one of the Renfelds…
3 Likes
… woke up from his nap. He looked around, expecting to see his beautiful purple duplicates … but he only saw chaos.
One group of Renfelds was attacking each other … and the other group was snoring by his feet.
It was ridiculous.
He was pretty sure that naptime wasn’t included in the contract he signed with SGG. He already had to deal with all the overtime he put in when anyone triggered the summons portal. In fact, he, Dawa, and Greymane had extra clauses in their contracts that they had to jump out of the summons portal every two minutes.
It was EXHAUSTING work.
He put fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. It was shrill and sudden.
All fighting Renfelds froze on the spot. All sleeping Renfelds woke up.
As one, they turned to look at him. Other heroes might have thought it creepy, but it was exhilarating. They had practiced for exactly this.
“Retreat!”
Then all Renfelds vanished like a bad dream.
Before anyone could speak, before Baby Nerfster could push another button, before another Nerf Squad could show up, something happened.
A familiar blue phone booth appeared.
“Mr. Spock sent me.” The Good Doctor clapped his hands. “Anyone need a ride?”
4 Likes
