"You're Fired" - careers for heroes

Tyrum and Oberon travel with the Circus.

They have one job. They work in the haunted house.

When people walk through they’re supposed to lean forward from the dark, rattle their bones and chatter their jaws, before leaning back for the next group.

“You have one job!” was also the very line Oberon’s boss used when firing him.

Often showing up drunk to work, Oberon took his passion to making a popular seasonal beer in the midwest before gaining some national recognition.

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Ahahaha that’s fantastic.

The Renfeld one is dark, dude

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I calls it like I sees it. Renfeld’s problem was that he was cursed with his own self-awareness.

We’ve all seen the guy. No man should have to live like that.

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Quintus was a well known around town. He’d often go around asking people “Excuse me, sir, what time is it?”

The locals would tell him. “11:15” they’d say, as an example.

“No. I mean, what YEAR?!? He’s coming!”

We all got a kick out of it. Guy thinks he’s a time traveler. Poor dude probably lost his hand working on a car, or something; and his mind went with it.

People would usually throw him whatever change they had in their pockets, or a few bucks at the 7-11s and gas stations he’d frequent.

“Wouldn’t it be something?” we used to joke about him as a time traveler.

That was years ago, don’t see much of him lately, but they say, on a cold night, you can see his fire keeping him warm in the wooded area next to the highway overpass, huddled in in an sleeping bag or old blanket…

“I’ve gotta get back…” he’d murmur. “Must stop… the Dark Lord…”

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Does us some fan-fiction one day @Kayo, you’ve got some worthy imagination in there

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Namahage shuffles their feet through the front door… The wars are over. It’s back to work, though it doesn’t pay much. Mostly just takes abuse from angry strangers.
Working from home has its perks, though. Rubs the insatiable itch of the lower back against the wall where the foyer meets the office. The office is littered with old newspaper clippings and gravel. “Somebody should really clean this up,” N thinks.

Namahage sits at the computer desk, unwinding with a little online chess before an alert pops up on the phone.

Looking briefly at the phone, Namahage types, “please link the relevant thread…this is going off topic.”

“Sorry, dude!” the person writes back.

“Who says I’m a guy? And, I’m a cat.”

Namahage takes her mask off, and sighs… looks back at the ongoing chess match, it was her turn.

Rook to d5… “Checkmate,” she purrs.

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Love your writing Kayo. Please make atleast one more

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That’s A-May-Zing

@Rook has sharp claws (almost always retracted) but a carving knife too??

I just looked at Nam…the eyes, that’s a great bit of observation

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Guin didn’t know anything other than Crusading, so when she went back to civilian life, she wasn’t sure where to even start.

She had never considered modeling, but nestled in the art district of London, men and women artists alike saw her and said that they must draw her. Word of her abilities spread fast until people were throwing large amounts of money to have her. Quickly she was front and center above all others, and many grew angry.

Modeling life was a whirlwind. Relationships became abusive. Jealousy was rampant. People would boast about beating her. “For the love of all that is Holy,” people would say, “she needs to be weakened!” Discussions of how she was ruining modeling began. Artists would claim that every new model was the answer to Guin’s over powering model career. It was all so much for her. Would they run her away?

People couldn’t handle a strong, bright, woman. They stripped her down bare… marched her through the streets… “Shame!.. Shame!.. Shame!..” they’d say…

But… as she was walking, a crazy event hapened, in which knights and wizards were present. New artists from across the land that would once scoff at her beauty, drew her in all her Glory, and suddenly, all was right in the world. Things were going to be a lot different. They could feel it.

Despite how this event changed most people, there were still several others that paid a lot of money to see her, but couldn’t see behind some overweight Friar and vowed never to return.

In the end, she embraced her career as a model. Many would come to address her controversial image, to which she now says, “Let them come. I’ll be here…”

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Skittleskull purchases a wagon, hires Jahangir to sell her potions and they travel across the countryside.

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Skittleskull is also known in certain provinces as Mommy Fortuna and gained brief fame for capturing both a unicorn and a Harpy, until her sudden, unexpected demise…

P.S. Jahangir’s travel name was Ruhk.

:wink:

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Ameonna will work as an actress on horror movies and as a ghost writer :slight_smile:

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Aeron and Gravemaker can run a funeral home. They’d save lots of money on the crematorium and everything.

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“It’s been months since the end of the war. I guess it really is over this time,” the old veteran said to himself as he carefully placed his battle axe on the display stand. For a moment he stood there in the darkness, his weathered face warmly lit by the crackling fire, staring at the dancing flames reflected off of the shimmering edge of the axe. Flashes of different memories came back to him all at once, vivid and distinct. Swinging the axe in the training yard on a sweltering day in the Correlian summer followed by a heavenly mountain breeze. Hacking reanimated corpses in the mud-soaked graveyards of Morlovia where the screams of agony of his fallen comrades haunt him to this very day. Chopping chunks of ice in the howling winds of Skyfheim to build a temporary shelter during the harrowing Frostmarch campaign. This made him wryly grin for a moment, thinking that he almost lost his right foot to that god-forsaken frozen wasteland.

But that was all over now. The deed was signed and already packed among his belongings outside, ready for the long ride out west. He walked over to the large oak table in the living room. The old wooden floorboards creaked with each step, the spurs jangling and his boots causing a metered beat echoing throughout the room. He picked up the Stetson hat and nestled it on his head. It was a bit tight and rigid, he thought, but it would fit better after a few seasons. “I reckon I should mosey on down the trail.” He stood waiting for some sort of response as if someone else was there, but he was still alone. With a sense of self-affirmation in the silence, he went outside in the darkness of early morn and mounted his steed, setting off to the plot he had purchased. His newly acquired livestock would need tending to immediately.

Maybe this would be the first time in his life where war would not follow him. Since he had no family left and his time had been consumed with service, he simply craved a life of peace and quiet. Perhaps the ranch would provide this for him. At least, that’s what Caedmon hoped as he rode with the rising sun at his back.

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Graymare settled down with a book, as he always did on Sundays since retiring, next to the babbling brook in the back of his house. The wife and kids were at the farmers market, and they promised to bring him back some of Mother North’s famous chili.

It wasn’t always this way. He remembered the day he came home from the Wars and he told his wife “Things are going to be different, I promise.” He dropped to his knees and kissed her belly as she coddled him. And things were different. It had been 4 years. He kept his promise.

He sipped his jasmine tea while admiring a ladybug that had landed on his forearm. As it flew off, he smiled, adjusted his reading glasses and began to read aloud to himself,

“Ahem, ‘Think you’re escaping and ru-’” BAM!

“What’d you do?!” Yelled a man coming out of the brush.

“I… I… I didn’t know what to do. I panicked!” Said another, younger, man coming from the brush brandishing a rifle.

“What the hell?! You killed it!”

“It was coming right at me! I had to shoot it. Look at that thing! It’s ferocious! It’s a God damned beast! I had to do it. It was kill or be killed, you saw it! You saw it coming at me!”

"Well we can’t just leave it here… Let’s just get this thing out of here before more of 'em come. Vicious little buggers, I bet… now listen… I don’t know what I saw, but I believe you. You’re a good man, and you did right.

“How’re we gonna carry, Doc?”

“I’ve got some shackles in the truck, well use 'em to drag it back. Taxidermists a coming by later anyhow, we’ll stuff 'em right up for ya.”

Now residing in a nearby hunter’s lodge in Ohio:

RIP Graymare…

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I’m thinking I should probably create a new thread called “How they died”…

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Little John - opened a Men’s Hairdresser with @Jedon. Massive Chop (Full Shave) available for $5 on Mondays. 5 hour wait though because business is so popular, so I don’t usually bother. @Jedon is earning lots of money :rofl:

I prefer Colen’s premium shampoo head massage combo for $20 as it’s a quieter place.

Boldtusk - went back to his gig at Burger King. He specialises in making Angry Whoppers

Magni - Mr Universe pageant entrant. Known for his striking pose.

Chao’s human - Auditioned for the role of Zhu Ge Liang in the next Three Kingdoms drama @JonahTheBard

Vivica - Local bottleshop as stated by @FishDreams @LadySuzanne and many others. I saw her recently manning the cash register

Rigard - Auditioned for the role of Inigo Montoya in the upcoming reboot of the Princess Bride (remove his helmet for a surprise) @Inigo

Obakan - Auditioned at So You Think You Can Dance

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ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFL
ahahahahahhahaaha mate you have a very nice fast imagenation, you have formed the joke into a very large fine article … well done I am laughing loud that my family are looking at me now as a mad coco guy :joy:

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Kailani & Gunnar work in psychiatric and psychological care as a team.

They focus on treating people who have conditions for that get less sympathy— narcissism, lack of empathy for others, grandiosity in bipolar etc. They are highly respected in their talents in helping people feel empathy, share the pain of others and save relationships by doing so all while teaching people to be properly defensive so they can still properly safe guard their own wellbeing

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Can I hire them? Plleeeeeaaase???

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