“hey!” Sleepyhead said. “I am not a s*x-crazed h0rndog! And even if I were, consent is the most important thing!”
“Yeah!” said Sleepyhead’s harem, which had grown exponentially since the last time they appeared in this thread, what with the increasing pace of new hero release (seriously, just check the chronological list to see the increasing pace)!
“Now that you’re done complaining about me, I’m going to bed,” Sleepyhead winked as he grabbed Aramis around the waist, caressed Junaid’s bare arm, and slapped Elkanen in his second costume on the behind…
@Pike just rolled his eyes. “What a h0rndog…” he said.
@Pandita sighed. “We have to save Sleepy from himself. I know just the thing…”
“I don’t think so.” said Pike. “I will retire and become a hermit. I have to think about myself, the game and the meaning of life. For this I will give away all my possessions, renounce alcohol and physical desires. So farewell my friends. I will never forget you.”
“Well, maybe that’s a reason too.” Pike said. “I was too immodest. In a perfect world, that wouldn’t have happened. In a perfect world, every player would have the fives they wished for, there were no war, alcohol didn’t give headaches and chocolate didn’t make you fat, @sleepyhead was a girl and married me, mods couldn’t count zero and trolls only existed in the game. Only @Mistress_of_Shadows would be as she is.”
“Maybe there is no real perfect world as it would be different for everyone. I should also think about it in my loneliness.” said Pike thoughtfully.
Suddenly he started laughing out loud. “Just kidding!” he called, opening a bottle of beer and draining it in one gulp. Then he belched and slapped @sleepyhead on the lower back, causing a distinct grumbling in the harem.
Devs and mods met in a video conference on the darknet, their faces and voices filtered.
“A thread is getting out of control. It’s embarrassing that it was started by a mod.”
“Where is the problem?”
“There are signs of violations of the forum rules.”
“Which type?”
“You know, the kind you don’t address.”
“Paying mods!?”
“No, worse. Sxx!”
“And now?”
“We have to do something! But just closing the thread would be too flashy. We have to get it back on the right track!”
Endless discussions followed and in the end there was an agreement.
Had a certain wise bard known what was happening, he would have gone berserk.
Elena, Vivica and Richard found themselves in a meadow.
“Ok, new tasks! Where can I hit my hammer?” said Richard. He swung his hammer over his head to emphasize his question. At least he tried. A lumbago nipped the attempt in the bud.
“You’re supposed to be careful! We’re not the youngest anymore!” said Vivica and cast a healing spell. “Where’s your costume anyway?”
“Home. That’s not me.” he grumbled.
“It doesn’t look like a new season.” Elena thought. “What was our new job again?”
“Create order! Let’s go!” shouted Richard, carefully raising his hammer.
“You mean Season 4, right?” Vivica tutted. “Remember, Sleepyhead doesn’t have a single season 4 5* but DOES have one season 3 5*. Can you imagine how he will react if Bera disappears…”
A pained, mournful wail erupted from off in the distance.
Elena paled, and Vivica smacked her forehead.
“Oh, I don’t think that was Sleepy,” Richard winked. “I’ve heard him screech before.” Taking out his phone, Richard called. “Hey, Joon, are you with Sleepy now?”
“Oh yes, he’s showering,” came the reply. “He’s wiggling what his momma gave him in a very…”
“Ahem, I’m not alone. Thanks.” Richard hung up, and smiled at Elena and Vivica, who were both dumbstruck. “You’re one of the harem???” They asked.
Richard just shrugged.
“But wait, who made that awful wail then?” Vivica asked.
this time, another wail was heard. And Richard stiffened (heh heh heh). as if he had been dunked in cold water.
“Oh no, now THAT is Sleepyhead,” Richard muttered.
Vivica buried her head in her hands.
Richard’s phone began ringing like crazy. "Ugh, now I have to decline calls from Kingston… and Junaid… and Lancey… and… I’m being flooded by pics and vids from the guys showing Sleepyhead throwing a tantrum, smashing things, and jumping up and down yelling “Where’s Proty??!”
Hu Tao, Richard, Vivica and Richard’s dragon all glared angrily at Elena.
Sleepyhead fixed Elena with a stare. Then that stare transformed into a grimace. And he took on a crazed look in his eyes, one that not even Sir Lancelot had seen at 3am in the morning. It was a truly frightening thing.
He whispered, and the sound was enough to make Richard’s little hammer shrink, Vivica to stumble, Vivica’s dragon to whimper, and Hu Tao’s smoothie to curdle. And Elena… Elena’s world crumbled.
