Waves: Discussion on how to support alliance mates through mental health and emotional aspect of E&P -

Lol, sounds exactly like my alliance @Rohn, we win or lose as a team…although real life pain like trying to fit a truck through your urethra take precedence over using your flags :joy:

They are not really a truck, but they are tiny cuckelburs

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They also are not really on topic.

I’m sorry. You’re giving me pain just thinking about it. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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Oh I agree @littleKAF, I felt his pain. He needed to say no more :scream:

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Getting out of toxic alliance can be like passing kidney stones (@Rohn & @PapaHeavy posts now are on topic) with how challenging it is to actually get yourself to leave, but then an amazing relief once complete.

The idea of self-induced pressure weighing heavier than any external pressure has popped up a few times from several responses. Are there any leadership tactics you take to force a reprieve for the entire alliance?

I know around Thanksgiving with the madness going on all around our alliance leadership opted the entire alliance out of war for Thanksgiving week (Mid-week and Weekend). Everyone came back recharged and rearing to go from this. Any thoughts on doing an alliance “health” check? It’s a difficult (unnecessary for some) decision to make as it intentionally slows down progression by limiting War chest progress.

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We have not opted out the whole alliance. We do encourage people to take a break around holidays or anytime they are feeling pressure. This game can be stressful, so we offer our members the opportunity to take a month off while we hold their spot.

We’ve only had a few do it. One or two was going through a divorce and the other was moving. It was great for them and they came back refreshed. Other members also commented that knowing that was an option lowered their stress level.

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I asked my team and they ALL voted to stay in wars both Thanksgiving and Christmas

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We said that Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and New Years Day were optional for titans and war (since wars fell in there twice).

We found most everyone wanted to keep firing, but there were a few who had family who appreciated the break.

Also—normally we say two misses and you’re out (nature of the beast at our level)—we didn’t record any misses during the holidays.


I think the important thing was to give those who needed the break the option to take it. :wink:

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Thank you for all the feedback concerning the individual vs. team opt-out. I agree with the sentiment as war chest loot (as disappointing as it can be sometimes) is such a valuable commodity the individual opt-out prevents stymieing the progress of entire alliance even if multiple members are mentally fatigued stressed from the game.

Not to admonish those who do not believe in the real rigors struggling with depression or anxiety cause individuals, but what (if any) are your thoughts on addressing individuals or team members who respond to these sentiments by team members with feelings of “it’s only a game” and “you should lighten up”.

I know while it may be made with good intentions, sometimes trivializing the anxiety the game causes only festers the feeling within an individual. Do you feel as leaders/fellow team members it’s your part to try and dissuade that or do you directly work with the individual who may be struggling?

(Hope I made sense…otherwise I’ll try to clarify)

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True. We’re all unique individuals and tbh it’s difficult to empathise with someone if you don’t take the time to find out more about the person.

I’d PM those individuals - communication is the key. The saying, sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will never hurt me - so untrue. Words can unfortunately cut deeper especially if the intent of a message is misunderstood or misconstrued.

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I’m always astonished how easily it is to misconstrue the message even in a PM.

Establishing a relationship over time helps to avoid this and gives more weight to anything you have to say.

Huge point: Listen. How can you give helpful advice if you don’t hear them? What they say is the important part. Waiting your turn to talk isn’t listening.

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This! Those who I’ve played with for a while will often tease that if they’ve been quiet for a while they’re expecting a “check in” message via Line.

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Awwww :heart:. Just goes to show how much “checking in” is valued. From one check-in-er to another :hugs:.

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This is such an important skill that requires effort and practice as silly as it may sound that you need to practice listening.

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Truth for me. It is nice to see this thread and so many supportive players. Just want to thank everyone participating.

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Yet another post I somehow missed. Ugh. I gotta quit this “work” thing that I have going on in RL. Lol.

It’s no surprise that the social aspect is one of my favorite parts of the game (@Rigs stop rolling your eyes). I enjoy getting to know my alliance mates… we share silly stories about work or family and whatnot but I think it’s ultimately building a layer of trust within the alliance so if RL issues do arise, that everyone knows they have a place or a person to turn to… maybe not be in group chat, perhaps a PM… whatever. Sometimes just knowing you have support available is enough.

I’m the annoying ray of sunshine that posts silly quotes or goofy trivia… all while trying to keep my sarcastic comments in check (which I fail at all the time)… we create challenges for bragging rights or temporary alliance names… anything that will bring us closer as a team.

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Thanks for replying @Math4lyfe

That’s awesome to hear how you help keep your crew feeling like one unit. I think all the healthy alliances have a similar structure or leadership.

I will admit sometimes the member cap does make me sad (FWIW I don’t think cap needs to increase) for all the people who will miss out on the alliances with quality leaders and systems in place.

For transparency’s sake, I’m currently going through one of those dark lulls due to a loss in my family and every fiber in my being wants to just stop reporting in/checking in to Alliance leadership. But I fight against that desire and still check in & be present.

That reference being a jumping off point, at what point or where do you distinguish “giving someone space to process” versus “preventing someone from alienating/isolating themselves?”

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Ask how they are doing and if they seem to be down, offer a listening ear, or space if they’d prefer that.

From the giver’s end, no way to know what another person wants or needs until they voice it.


In other news…I have been [fill in the blank] lately. Each time someone here shares a personal story, I feel a little closer to sharing, but I’m still at the back of the room with my arms crossed over my chest with a cup of coffee, nodding as if I belong, and feeling a thousand miles away. Pain comes in so many levels and flavors.

Thank God for the friends in this place. They help in ways they will never know. hugs

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Not just to you…but to anyone and everyone who needs to read this:
Sharing is not a prerequisite to being a part of this community/discussion.

If you’re replying as a leader or member, if you’re liking posts or if you’re ̷j̷u̷s̷t̷ reading this thread, thank you because by even taking a moment to glance at the thread, you’ve already added to the views this topic receives and helped spread the message…even if it’s just taking the thread’s view count from 805 to 806.

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That’s a tough question… as a teacher, I see this with students all the time. Thing is… some open up to me and other don’t… but as long as they know they have someone who will listen, whether it is me or someone else in the alliance, that’s all I can do… the hard thing is being ok with this limitation. Lol.

Sometimes I’ll drop a “thinking of you” message or maybe a funny picture, just to let them know I’m around if they need something. Everyone processes things differently so I don’t think there is a blanket answer to this.

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