Waves: Discussion on how to support alliance mates through mental health and emotional aspect of E&P -

I’m a bit stunned actually to be reading these posts and seeing my own feelings, fears and anxiety being spelled out so clearly.

This is exactly how I felt after our last war. I was just overwhelmed by my feelings of not being “good enough” and thinking I needed to quit an alliance(s) that I’ve come to love. I’m very grateful to belong to two wonderful alliances and found great support on both.

My temporary solution is to opt out of the wars. It just felt like I was so stressed out, I was compounding the problem by second-guessing my every move, contributing to my anxiety. In my defense, and as stated in posts above, it’s because I care about the people with whom I’m playing this game, and not wanting to disappoint them, that is adding to my stress.

I recognize that if I didn’t care about them it would be easier to just blow off my “failures” and say “who cares, it’s only a game”.

It’s so helpful for me to realize that there are so many players probably experiencing these same emotions, to different degrees. I’m so very grateful that the responses came just when I needed to hear them.

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It’s only a game if everything else is okay. This is the only thing that I’ve continued to be able to do since the event occured (roughly 7 months ago) that changed things for the worse. It’s an escape and not everyone relies on it just for the game mechanics.

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Just know that your presence in your alliance is invaluable. I say this as part of alliance leadership and as a top contributor in wars and titans. An alliance that grows together stays together. I will always ask everyone to participate in wars even if that means losing more often because those war chest will help those players grow and in the long run make the alliance as a whole stronger.

As a senior member I started out feeling like a burden. Feeling like I did more bad than good. Now I am a top contributor because my alliance appreciated my effort and wanted nothing more than to support the noob I was back then. I grew and I want the new members that came after me to experience the same.

Don’t forget, everyone starts this game with a bane, sharan and Layla. Everyone has felt what you feel now at some point. Everyone is happy you are there.

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Our Alliance has always been supportive and encouraging. After reading some of these post,@PapaHeavy in particular, I realized that we haven’t verbalized our views. We have now. So thanks for the thread and the discussion.

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@Bassackwards Hope you re-join or find another alliance for a fresh start with fresh perspective.

@PeachyKeen Always glad to engage in forum conversations with you. Really appreciate more & more leaders opening up in this thread of actual processes they take or sharing their own struggles despite being a leader. It is a pleasure to see the way you run, hold your alliance to standards.

@princess1 sometimes the revelation that we’re not alone is enough of a light to make you shine brighter than before. I opt out of wars periodically as well just for sanity’s sake (or else I’d be one of the wild forum conspiracy theorists) and we encourage members who are feeling frustrated to take a break if need be to refresh their perspective and remember that this is supposed to be fun, that’s why we all started playing.

@Impiousbe It truly is easy to forget everyone started out with Aife and that this game is a marathon not a sprint.

@Killen-time that is awesome. I hope it is well-received in your alliance.

Yeah many times the frustration in game is the compounded frustration of things in real life punctuated by not catching a break in the game which as you mentioned is an escape for some people.

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Thank you. Not sure I would subject that alliance to my insecurities again. Have joined another for now. As has been said, no one knows what another may be going through, so will play on … only quieter.

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Its working for me right now but I think the video has a feature where you can open it directly in youtube. If not then the video is titles Brene Brown on Empathy. hope this helps.

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I love the video. (I clicked twice and the volume came on.) Wonderful description of the difference between empathy and sympathy. :+1:

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Thank you so much. Blessings.

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I think another unspoken aspect is hero envy/inadequacy for players.

I find myself guilty of stating certain heroes are useless, but for some players that “useless hero” may be the best one they have from the summons they were able to do. People constantly dogging on that character can either make you a strong advocate for the utility of said hero or it can cause one to believe that your roster is not good enough to “hang with the big boys”. Doing more summons when a “featured” hero is available (HotM, Challenge Events, Seasonal, Atlantis) may not be financially feasible for the player and as such it can continue to alienate a player.

Any thoughts on that matter as an in-game trigger?

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Wow, interesting topic and an important one to not just sluff off.

  1. Awesome video @Natural-Lite and it highlights the importance between hearing and listening. It’s easy to hear people when they speak but so much more difficult to listen, to understand what it is they are saying. You sympathize when you hear; you empathize when you listen.

  2. The most difficult thing to understand is that depression is irrational. It doesn’t matter that you did the best you could, that the boards were against you, that you are an important team member no matter how small. When depression hits rational thought goes out the window. Be there as a friend, be supportive, care. Don’t rationalize because that will backfire. I’ve been there trying to be supportive with logic (I didn’t know any better then). It just doesn’t help. Just be supportive and understanding and above all, be on their side. When the world is against you the most important thing is a friend.

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I can certainly weigh in on this one, as my roster is on the low end. I often hear how great x Hero is vs ones I have.

For me, I take it with a grain of salt (or a whole salt lick :grin:), because I know the players on the other end of the table…I know they aren’t trying to hurt me, or show off, they are just excited about their heroes. :wink:

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Never were truer words spoken. Thank you!!! :slight_smile:

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We have these members as well. While they are active, helpful members, the lack of communication is difficult. Whether they are shy or have intense social anxiety, we never know the reasons for anyone’s behavior

So unfortunately there is no way to tell if that quiet player is having issues. I try my best to check in on everyone but some just refuse to respond. We have an older gentleman (I say “older” like I’m that far off) of 65 who communicates very little. He began joining wars and did well for the 1st few. He then just stopped using flags although we would see him online playing. We reached out to him over and over because we really didn’t know what was going on. We asked him to opt out of the next war, no response, but he did. We still have yet to hear back from him. We stress that you don’t need to join wars until, if ever, you are ready. But if you do opt in please try to use every flag. We understand that new members may be using feeders to hit and as so have no expectations.

I know I’ve already stressed this but the highest points in AW mean nothing, except you were luckier, spent more money or have much greater experience. Teamwork is what wins the war, and currently we are on our 9th win in a row so I imagine this AW should be a peach. We are now working in members that want to be tank busters in the later rounds. We even are considering someone who’s only job is to take that Kash in the corner out during Field Aid.

I think @Impiousbe made some extremely valid points in their post. I try to push our players not to spend too much trying to catch up. It takes time, and some money, but more so time to get those AM’s. I suggest summoning only during Atlantis for our newer members, and not to go chasing every HotM that comes along. I think most of our alliance is pretty conservative in spending so I really hope that’s not a problem? But it does give me a few good points to bring up in chat. Thanks for that Impiousbe!!

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Thanks @nevarmaor for replying to this topic. I think you emphasized a great point of how someone gripped by anxiety or depression may be in such a dark place where rationale doesn’t stick initially.

I appreciate your gentle nature of understanding. It’s truly a precious gift. I definitely would like to correct this in myself moving forward (although I’m fairly certain I will still advise against certain heroes if an alternative is present, just without disparaging the hero like I used to).

Awesome feedback again and I’m glad that through the various responses and perspectives different leaders are finding gems to support their alliances with.

I’m going to tag a few more people and see if there are different perspectives from some other competitive (top 100 alliances).

@Math4lyfe @Anchor @Ender_BattleSchool @Ambassador_SVK @rigs @JLB_ep @Rohn @yelnats_24

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Honestly I’ve never been in a top alliance, the training alliance I was in had too much drama and for my own well-being I struck out on my own and Battle School is just for me and for friends to come visit…not opposed to alliances, I just don’t like drama…plus I am a noob and don’t even have enough heroes to qualify for @Wormwood Blazing Dawn or others lol :joy:

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Ender the Blazer - wow that’s got a nice ring to it :grinning: :metal:

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Not allowed lol I don’t have 30 max :man_facepalming:

Psst, back to topic y’all. :wink:

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Wow! What a refreshing, encouraging and generous post! Thanks so much for sharing and sparking dialog.

It affirms my decision I made yesterday to leave an alliance I had been with for seven months. The environment was not supportive and had recently become less-than-friendly to a newer player because they didn’t participate in AW the way some founding member wanted…however, the player called out had not been given any direction and the alliance didn’t have much of any war coordination. I spoke up for the player called out, and was shut down by other founding members, basically being told “calling out a player is for the good of the alliance”. (Bull spit) It really upset me. I had been considering leaving the alliance for some time, and that incident just pushed me over the edge.

It also reminds me of a time when I joined an alliance that was pretty advanced back while I was still pretty green. I couldn’t make a dent in Titans, had horrible AW scores and just felt like I was a detriment to the team. I quickly left due to my embarrassment, and was chastised and shamed publicly on this forum by one of the alliance members for not having announced my departure. Talk about adding salt… (Comments were later taken down.)

After almost a year of playing, I’ve been in 4 alliances. The one I joined yesterday feels like coming home. Supportive, welcoming, and comprised of genuine people.

This is a game that can instill anxiety in anyone who wants the best for their alliance. And it is a game that can also be a lot of fun. I would encourage newer players to not be afraid to leave an alliance if it is toxic. There are good alliances out there. And while easier said than done, let go of any shame or embarrassment you may have when you join a new alliance and are feeling “behind” other players. Every player started out as a noob. And lean on those who will offer support. I’m on Line @irishlass1212.

Best to all. :heart:

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