Vivica, Elena, Joon and Khagan walk into a bar...the Awful Jokes thread

My 4* yellow Valhalla hero was hit by an accuracy debuff.
She mist.

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I also had a joke about Gullinbursti, but it’s a bit of a boar

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My hero wanted to resign because he had no mana left.
I told him he’s already fired.

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White rabbit and the wonderland family have always held that rabbits watch is not a good enough attack description, they would like it to be ‘hare-cut’ instead

White rabbit is so rich he is a millionhare

Why does alice ways ignore cheshire cat?
He isnt very purrr-suasive

Why doesnt the Queen of hearts go to the mad hatters tea parties?
He doesnt serve royal-tea

Why isnt White rabbit the king? Because he wasnt the true hare to the throne

Why is master lepus so apathetic? He doesnt carrot all.

Why does master lepus wear a hat? So you cant see his hare!

(I made a few more)

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Those are all absolutely appalling. Well played :clap:

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Buddy keeps asking to release his gift sack and give his neighbours minions, i just cant help but think its inappropriate so he never gets to fire

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Dont level up guardian family purple 3*s.
Its a really bat idea

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Theres been an uprising of democracy amongst the heroes thats caused a few sparks to fly, about a quarter of my roster are shouting “elect trition”

Tryna work one out about not close but gafar… i will come back to that one!

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How bout.

Did you manage to collectall the sand heroes??

I was close but no Gaffar

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I would go with…

I was trying to collect all the sand heroes, i came so close but still have gafar to go.

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So last night, me and a couple of friends of mine were out drinking. We had a few too many, and decided that it wasn’t safe for us to drive, so we called a driver to take us home.

Car pulls up, and there’s a monkey in the driver’s seat. I check the driver’s ID, then get in the car. My friends are freaking out.

They look at me, dumbfounded, and ask “what are you doing, man? There’s a monkey driving that car! Monkeys don’t know how to drive! What if we crash?”

I told them, “don’t worry, it’s Wu Kong.”

“Wu Kong never hits anything.:laughing:

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Okay, i made a few more (lots of effort this time…)
I have a couple that a little more risque (not like offensive, but possibly nsfw, so youll have to dm for those!)

You can call me Ariel after this semester…
Because my grades are under the C

Im gunna make wu kong my chaufeeur, he never hits anything. (Shortened version of the brilliant joke above)

What is the Padawans least favourite month?
The imperial March
(The Padawans is my alliance!)

I dated a guy with 47 red flags recently,
Turns out he was just level 62…

Wu kong should be called aluminium man - he is constantly foiling my plans.

A boldtusk with a costume is not the hero we wanted, its the one we kneaded
(Could also work for Mother North?)

How come all of the heroes have natural hair colours?
Because heroes dont dye…

Justice has always felt like the wrong element, she feels like she is just ice.

They say you should never meet your heroes… thats exactly why dawa exists - to proove this point!

Did you see that 5 star hero who fights with milk? He is legendairy!

Which celebrity has problems playing Empires and Puzzles? Barry Mana Low.

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Why don’t I get this one?

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Its not very good is it…
Essentially its a play on the world energy being called ‘flag’ and if you date someone who you dont know, here where i am from you would colloquially say ‘theres a red flag’

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Guardian Gazelle and Muggy walk into a bar and indulge in a massive drinking binge. Muggy falls off his chair and passes out.

Gazelle, embarrassed, gets up to leave, and is at the door when the barman call out “Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

Gazelle looks at the barman, at Muggy, back to the barman and says dismissively, “No worries, that’s not a lion” and walks out.

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Poor Obakan.

I told him that people were making fun of him on the forum, so he created an account to try to defend himself.

He got blocked for excessive riposting.

groan

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okay,
a few more…

(I WORKED HARD ON THESE FUNNIES!)

My villagers love working in the mines, they say its a blast.

Why was thorne kicked from the floristry group?
He was being a pr*ck (sorry for slightly rude word!)

When melendor farts, its a blast from the past.

Whats the latest cool thing to do for teenage melia?
Taking shellfies with their shellphones

Why are kvasirs eyes so beautiful?
Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder

Why wont vlad ever attack taylor swift?
Because shes got bad blood.

What do farts and Ninjas have in common?
They’re both silent, but deadly.

Cobalt, garnet & Jade walked into a bar - youd never know. (THREE NINJAS)

How many ninjas does it take to change a lightbulb?
I dont know, it was too dark to see.

I was gunna make a joke about pulling your mum, but then i pulled yunnan. (also sorry, that’s a harsh one!)

8 Likes

Winner winner chicken dinner.

That earns you a Bardic Post of the Day :medal_military:

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:smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: i will wear the badge with honour and put it on my CV and tell all the strangers i meet that i got this badge! :star::star::star:

4 Likes