Stillness sits upon the face of the deep, the ink barely displaced by the shadow of the unholy and inhuman hybrid of human and cephlapod. The chilling efficiency and rhythm with which the creature moves portends sinister motives and, yet, her appearance is not altogether unattractive to the human eye. Her tentacles undulate and twirl as she breeches the surface and whips a wave’s worth of water from her hair. The clouds part and the moon tentatively accents her features as Ursena’s smug little smile belies some hidden truth.
Her soft voice startles you and the sound is not unlike that of an aged chipmunk that has smoked four packs of cigarettes a day for most of its life. You are so distracted by the clash between the sound of her voice and the haunting, psychotic beauty of her form, that you miss the first few sentences of what she has just spoken. Her smirk twists into a snarl as she realizes that you have completely zoned out. The only part you caught was, “…and that’s how you can guarantee I will fight as a general in your army.”
“No, please, continue. I am… uhh…mesmerized by your… beauty?” You stammer out, unconvincingly.
“Silence!” She screeches in multi-tonal rage. Her voice gaining a volume and depth more befitting her majestic form. You’re about to pipe up and say something nice, but then her anger manifests in a persistent, shocking bolt of dark energy that sends you off of your feet and back onto the deck of the Small Giant Yacht. You muster the courage and speak up, but she’s still screaming and suddenly, you’re joined by another presence beside the ship. You turn and suddenly you realize that Poseidon has rested his elbow on the starboard railing.
“Don’t look at me… I can’t help you, now that you’ve gone and set her off!” He bellows. “You’re going to have to figure another way to work around her!” Your eyes stare back at him, pleadingly. You’re just a human and you have no frigate clue how you ended up on this stupid yacht in the first place. “Humans…” He scoffs, just above the attenuating roar of Ursena’s wrath. She’s alight in dark energy that crackles over her body.
The longer you wait, the calmer she seems to become.
You’re just a human, so you try your best. “I’m sorry, so sorry.” You say, as you bow politely. The dark energy crackles, pops and fizzles out as a kinder expression wipes away the wrath from only moments ago.
Suddenly, you’re struck by the oddness of her figure. Is she a mammal or a cephlopod? Does she lactate? How does she reproduce? Can she reproduce? Goodness, you hope not! Is her form for decoration or seduction? If so, you’d think that she could do a little better job and manifest some sort of clue as to… precisely how to engage with her romantically. As her expression darkens once more, you realize that she had begun to speak and, once again, you’d been too distracted to listen. You only seemed to catch one line. “…and that’s just one of the many secrets I will share with you once I am a member of your army.”
Poseidon’s voice booms “Oh bouy, what an idiot” before he shoves the boat in a huff, to dive into the depths and get away from yet another violent outburst from Ursena. As your yacht capsizes and mere moments before your body is reduced to ash, you have one final thought “I’m knot shore if she is Human or cephlopod, pacifically speaking… but she is ferry crazy…”
(the author apologizes for wasting your time)
