The Ridiculous Complaints thread




I have decided to go on sabbatical from the E&P forums.

I am leaving you in charge of things here.

You’ll probably need the taser for when those unruly school children come in and try to steal slushees by pretending to steal bubblegum. Don’t fall for it. They work as a team but they’re predictable.

Other than that, make sure you feed and water Rook. If she dies, we all die.

And make sure to oil Kerridoc and get him to his annual maintenance.

And this is VERY IMPORTANT: do NOT mix up those last two things. If you oil the cat and water the robot, the whole system shuts down. I did that yesterday and the entire game went down for like an hour. Gonna cost SG millions in reparations.

Take care. See ya eventually. maybe :stuck_out_tongue:


Have fun skiing! :laughing:


Where the heck should all the shields come from to ascent my greens?

Think it will take years to max a full team…

Just a little complaining about :rofl:


Now I feel like the little kid at the end of Shane.

I am the sad kind of panda at the moment. Don’t stay away too long.



So that’s it… just one final statement that your leaving.
What about all the banter we have shared?
All the other ridiculous complainers you have inspired to look at the main threads in s more humorous and sarcastic way?

All that we have shared together, and you just unilaterally declare that your leaving?

I think we should see someone, a mediator, to talk through this.

We need closure, or failing that one last blistering post lambasting some folly of the game…


Did I complain missing shields a few hrs ago?
/* rethorically asked */

SG took a look and just came up with this victory war chest.

So unbelievable I even forget to brag :wink:
Token brought another Chao…
Instantly fed to Musashi, since my Chao has already special lvl 8.

Happy now :partying_face:


That belongs to the ridiculous bragging threa- HEY! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO FEED KING CHAO!


Except me or what :rofl:
I even fed Eve to Eve 2 times.
I won’t be able to max a whole harem of 4 Eves :partying_face:


I wish to formally complain about an earlier post of @LSLordy .

I have not been able to get …

“We built this city… etc… of sausage rolls”

Out of my brain for days… Talk about an ear worm!


Well, I’d just finally gotten that out of my head, so thanks for putting it back. :wink:


Okay I have a complaint and I’m really angry/upset/confused!!

What server outage??? I'm confused - no one cares?- No compensation for server outage?

I missed it…somehow and it really peeves me off that Real Life got in the way of my completely missing a server outage that appeared to be global!!

This is outrageous and I demand SG compensate for my Real Life getting in the way of my E & P life!!

I mean, really… And still nothing in my In-Box (pictorial evidence, as always, below), well apart from a 9 day old message collecting cobwebs…

(Please also note that the said cobwebs have been removed from the pictorial evidence below for health reasons.)

I demand compensation of 2 Epic Hero Tokens daily for the rest of the year, 65 Emblem/Token/Coin thingee’s and a partridge in a pear tree!!


“Gadeirus” is the worst misspelling of Bastion that I have ever seen


So this is what happens when you stay away from the RC thread for a few weeks

regrets staying away from the RC thread and resolves to monitor thread closely from now on


As a concerned parent, I want to avoid exposing my kids to toxins. I am therefore seeking assurance from SmallGiant games that the coloring used in the gems has been fully tested (but not on animals, obviously).

I am concerned that constant finger swiping/pressure on the gems during gameplay may cause transfer of artificial coloring from them into my children’s skin.

I am therefore formally requesting a hazardous materials breakdown of all chemicals used in gem production, and an undertaking from SG that they will publish a full risk analysis of any potential harm that may be caused.


I’m kind of in a different boat. I’d like affirmation from SG that these diamonds are digital blood diamonds.

I want to know that an entire e-village was wiped out to get me the precious stones. Knowing that entire generations of families were slain for them helps me appreciate them that much more.

And before you think that this is just a one-off complaint for me, know that when I went to buy my now-wife her engagement ring, I walked into the shop and said “Give me the bloodiest blood diamond you have stashed away in the back room, ■■■■ it.”

To this date, my wife can sleep easy knowing that I was comfortable in the knowledge that people had to senselessly die to get her that ring, and that says a lot about me as a husband and a provider.

I’d like to be a similar provider in the game for my kingdom and heroes.

As they say in popular blood diamond communities, “It takes a village.”


This is awful…ly funny!


Every battle and level played, we haphazardly throw bodies at the enemy not concerning ourselves with the toll taken to our numbers. Have we considered the price our victories come at? 4 troops PER TILE!

End the mindless slaughter and replace the troop animation with bubbles, sparkles, and rainbows. :slight_smile:


I don’t support the troops.

Mainly because I still believe them to be dolls/plastic action figures and not real troops. That’s why we keep our toys in a satchel and not real living quarters.

The barracks is just a toy factory, don’t be fooled!


I wish I could make my heroes throw plushies at monsters.
That said…

The violence in the game is TOO TAME in my opinion; where are the blood, the torn clothing, the trauma, the taboo themes, the thing people do to make babies?


I would like to add that whenever I defeat an enemy, I’m greeted by the opening salvo of Master of Sparks by ZZ Top. While it’s a great song, the upshot is that it has been stuck in my head almost non-stop since I’ve been playing this game and I have been forced to listen to the song repeatedly in a vain effort to rid myself of this earworm. It has become distracting to the point of madness and I demand immediate recompense. Failure to meet my terms will result in a call to ASCAP/BMI on behalf of both ZZ Top and Prince’s Estate. Thank you for your swift resolution in this dire matter.