The Ridiculous Complaints thread

Dear @Stargasm

I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.

You don’t have a job.

And you don’t sleep, not in the traditional sense of the word.

Why do you see gems when you close your eyes?

Because SG has designed the purest RNG algorithm ever conceived - the randomness of the human mind.

Do you remember 29th of August? Your family does, because you never came home. You are now plugged in to Helsinki’s most powerful mainframe, which drags tiles from your mind at 1 trillion a second.

This is you:

Like I said, sorry.

Ever wonder why E&P lags sometimes? Or chucks you offline at precisely the wrong time?
Well, all I can disclose is… @Duaneski is hooked up to the machine too :roll_eyes:


So… my life is a lie and nothing I do matters? That’s actually kind of a relief.

But if the “life” I’m currently experiencing isn’t really happening, why does everything appear the same as before? I mean, if you’re gonna kidnap me and turn me into part of the machine, couldn’t you have implanted a cooler illusion of reality in my brain?


You’re talking to a guy that polices the forum of a Scandinavian mobile phone game for a hobby. How cool do you think I am?

It’s easier to just put your brain on a loop. It’s taken you three months to notice.


It appears that it will take much, much more than a lawsuit… If what @JonahTheBard says is true, stopping them would take an uprising worthy of being chronicled in a book trilogy by Suzanne Collins.

Now that you’re privy to this information, it’s up to you to decide what to do with it. Form an underground army and take out SG… or continue your life in blissful ignorance.

Then again, as far as I know, you may be nothing more than an illusion created for me by SG.


It’s not that I don’t want to start the revolution, or anything, but… tonight’s the company Christmas party. We’re doing white elephant, there’s going to be free food, and we finally got a babysitter…

Can we raise the army tomorrow?? Or, how we coming on that 3rd C.A. signature? That could be good, too…


Yeah, I’ve got plans tonight as well. I’m kind of over the whole thing, honestly. Seems like a lot of work.

(Unless SG wants to offer me my initial request, then I’m all business.)


Tomorrow, though! Raising an army tomorrow, for sure! We’re gonna get you out of there, buddy! You just hang tight!

I mean, it’ll probably be after the Lions game… which is a 4pm game. The wife and I are supposed to work on Christmas cards after the kid goes down, too… so, like, either REALLY late tomorrow night, or after a conference call on Monday. Unless, of course, we nab the client, and then there’s this whole prep phase for Spring roll-out thing… But we’ll get you out of this God-forsaken machine! This I promise you!


I’m back :slightly_smiling_face:
Another villager (yes, another) had an accident today because someone thought it was funny to “shovel” a path but left a patch of ice slightly covered in snow…

Which kept leading to a problem similar like this
While I’m at it… The paths that the villagers are walking on are getting icy

So whenever someone tries to shovel up fresh patches of snow… this keeps happening…
So SG… This endless snow (although very beautiful) is more than the villagers expected…
Next time a warning for a month long blizzard would be nice…:wink:


The star atop the Christmas is no longer bug zapping! Someone is listening!

That is all.


I kill the birds but cannot eat them but the biggest scandal: sooo many presents in my stronghold and i cannot open them! :triumph:


Lol can’t stop to laugh. My ridiculous complain is Santa present, why the present is not something that make u happy when u receive it? Also Mother North Poridge, Is not good to waste the food Mother .


I’m not sure what this is supposed to be, but looks like an x-ray (or a stick figure) of someone w/ a wrench in their system. How the wrench got in there, Idk if I want to know :rofl:… So SG… Wth? :smile::smile::smile:


Evidence that aliens visited Corellia, obviously.

Strange tech pops up everywhere. Capt Sargasso has firearms, Domitia has a sniper scope… Quintus has a robot hand!!


Makes sense… Thank You…

1 Like

It has come to my attention that iron is being stored improperly. This lack of insight is costing my kingdom dearly. Not only is all my iron rusting due to its close proximity to raging rivers, but the oxidation is leaching into the soil and water table. This ferrous poison is absorbed into the grains from the insatiable needs of the empire. The grains from the mill are being processed with iron-poisoned water and fed to my hogs. The villagers then eat the hogs, and now wander around ill-dressed and aimless because of the iron poisoning. You can clearly see that they are moody as just a few weeks ago they wouldn’t even wave at me. They are clearly jaundiced, and have difficulty with memory as they wander around all day. The reason there are no children in my kingdom is because of the low sperm count which is directly related to an excess of iron in my villagers. Have you noticed that warm bronzed skin?! This isn’t from the sun, it is from the hemochromatisis of too much iron, because they feast on recruits! I believe this is also why we have no fish in the rivers. I demand better holding facilities for my iron supply.

I expect compensation for this audacity.


I really like this one. And I finished watching In Defence of Food less than five minutes ago so I am (briefly) all about food safety, hygiene and the fight against ‘nutritionalism’ and the rampant lies of the food industry.

Therefore, I am taking the unprecedented step of upholding this complaint.

All iron is to be immediately replaced with a non-ferrous, rust free and more malleable alternative.

Namely Lead.


Dear SGG
Once again i must complain about the atypical laws of physics being applied to my stronghold…
Why on earth has a useless arch been built into the siege wall of my stronghold?
In the unlikely event that water can travel in an upwards direction, then yes, an arch is needed.
However since water normally prefers to travel downwards, a simple hole in the ground would have done the job, rather than a nice big arch in the siege wall, posing security issues!!!
As ever i enclose a screen shot as evidence…


Dear @LSLordy

As you have not even seen fit to place gates or guards at the actual entrance to your castle, this storm drain is the least of your worries.


Unfortunately we must decline your alternative, namely because lead is not a viable substitute for iron. I need a tensile strength equivalent to iron (275mPa), and lead (12-17mPa) just won’t cut it. Your alternative places my heroes at risk for a wardrobe malfunction…


Dear @JonahTheBard.
I need neither guards or gates, the risk of iron poisoning is enough to deter invaders…
However, public sanitation and flood prevention are serious issue’s of public concearn.
My poor villagers are living in a death trap of a stronghold.
They have rights you know, the right to stop and wave when tapped, the right to walk around shirtless in the snow, the right to turn into zombies once a year, and surely the right to live in a safe stronghold…


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