Out in the world there is an empire
That’s free to play, the people say
'Tis not really all that hard to find
You can download it on Google Play
The gameplay, they say, is most puzzling
But in reality, it’s fairly easy
The only part that I find troubling
Is the pricing model, borderline sleazy
I wondered why the prices are high
When they set the odds so low
They said, “it’s to maintain the balance!
This is something we all know!”
“If everyone got good heroes,
Then all of us would be bored!
It’s much more fun being limited
By only what you can afford!”
The logic, they said,
Made perfect sense!
Want to git gud,
Spare no expense!
The best of heroes
They said are rare!
Then why do I see them
Everywhere?
They said I should be happy
With Dawas and Banes
But I fail to see the purpose
Of grinding without gains.
“The goal is not a destination
But a journey!
You could always join
A 3* tourney!”
And fight against Season Fours
All with 20 emblems?
If that is your idea of fairness
Compared to mine there is no semblance
They said, “there, there, peasant,
You think we live up here like kings?
I have 100 Gravemakers to ascend
But I’m completely out of Mystic Rings!”
“You should be happy as a low spender,
You have so little of nothing to lose
Whereas I have so many heroes,
It’s impossible for me to choose!”
“If the game gave
Us all the heroes,
Then we’d all be equal,
Perfect zeroes!”
“It’s better this way,
Some day you’ll see
Life’s harder up here
For folks like me!”
Their ‘logic’ to me
Could not be stranger
I highly doubt
There’s any danger
That increasing the odds
By one percent
Would drastically reduce
The money spent
It’s not as if
SG company
Is on the brink
Of bankruptcy
Not even close,
Not by a mile
Even without profits
That would take a while
But they say that no one
Would enjoy the game
If all our rosters
Were the same
I guess they’re right!
It’s always fun
Losing battles
I could not have won
Because my opponents
Spent more money
“Hey that’s just life,
Ain’t it funny?”
“If you can’t be bothered
To spend a grand,
Then you might as well
Just go pound sand.”
“Besides, the game will bring you
Much more cheer
If you only pull a good hero
Twice a year.”
Come on now,
You can’t be real
Is that how you
Actually feel?
I suppose when all
Is said and done,
We have very different
Ideas of ‘fun’
But that’s just my opinion. If you enjoy lootboxes, grinding for hours in exchange for nothing useful, paying tons of money for virtual sprites, power creep, pay to win, and losing seemingly easy battles because RNG decided to be a @#$% that day, then you will absolutely love E&P.