Sunscreen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 21
Bring antidotes
If I could offer you only one tip for this game,
Antidotes would be it
The long term benefits of antidotes have been proved by scientists
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now…
Enjoy the power and beauty of your newbness
oh nevermind;
you will not understand the power and beauty of your newbness until they have faded
But trust me, in 20 months you’ll look back at photos of your roster
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous they really looked…
Friar Tuck is not as fat as you imagine
Don’t worry about the boards; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to create a diamond tile out of bubblegum
The real troubles in this game are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind,
the kind that blindside you when doing some raid revenge on an idle Tuesday;
Do one raid everyday that scares you.
Sing
Don’t be reckless with alliance member’s feelings
don’t put up with members who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don’t waste your time or money on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself
Remember the wins you get, forget the losses
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old heroes, throw away your old credit card statements
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know who to level up next in your roster…
the most interesting players I know didn’t know at level 22 what they wanted to do with their teams
some of the most interesting level 40s I know still don’t
Get plenty of crafting materials
Be frugal with your battle items, you’ll miss them when they’re gone
Maybe you’ll reach diamond tier, maybe you won’t
maybe you’ll summon great heroes, maybe you won’t
maybe you’ll ragequit the game at level 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 3rd year forum anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s
Enjoy your heroes
use them every way you can…
don’t be afraid of them, or what other people think of them
they are the only instruments in this game you’ll ever “own”
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Read forum advice, even if you don’t follow it
Do NOT read bragging threads, they will only make you feel awful
Get to know your alliance leaders, you never know when they’ll be gone for good
Be nice to your original alliance mates
they are the best link to your past
and the players most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that alliance mates come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and time zones
because the longer you stay in the game
the more you need the people you knew when the game was fun
Join a tryhard alliance once, but leave before it makes you hard
create a solo alliance once, but leave before it makes you soft
Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths
power creep will rise
developers will pilfer
you too will get tired, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were new
the odds were reasonable
the developers were noble
and newbies respected their elders
Respect your elders
Don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse
but you never know when either one might run out
Don’t mess too much with your emblems
or by the time you’ve chosen 20, it will have cost you 85
Be careful which portals you buy from, but
be patient with those who offer advice
Advice is a form of nostalgia
dispensing it is a way of fishing Banes from the disposal, wiping them off
painting on a red costume and recycling him for more than he’s worth
But trust me on the antidotes
