I think the arrows are fair, they used to be much worse. I’d suggest working on a few extra healers so you have at least one per flag (two would be preferred). I know it’s not perfect, but the revenge bar is a lot of what makes these wars different from everyday raiding (aside from the team-work aspect). I honestly don’t mind them, and typically ignore them altogether.
Honestly, all of the revenge’s are fairly mild [to me], but I can understand that isn’t the case for everyone. Early on I found them problematic, but once you get a few healthy teams developed, I’m sure they’ll seem fairly trivial to you too. We all experience them, including your opponents, so in a sense it’s as fair as can be. It’s just another aspect of the game; something that takes learning how best to work around them. Good luck!