@Jedon, my husband was in the hospital on & off for 3 months before he passed away after a nine-month illness. I remember the battle weariness that sets in after so long. One thing that changed my life profoundly was looking out the window at the vastness of the sky. We were on the second floor of a four story building, and there was a little ladder from the roof that must have gone up & over to another area, but from where I sat looked like it just went up to the sky. I would stare out at the bright blue sky and think of how infinite God is. I put my infinite worries and grief into that immense space and somehow the pain that I thought would make make me burst diffused into the infinity. I put my emptiness and loneliness and fear out there and felt a sense that the One who could handle my sorrows could also fill me up with good things. That’s when I really found joy…pondering all the good things that fill my life even in the middle of so much pain. My 22 year-old son with autism has that same joy, and people are puzzled by it because we’ve been through so much. Pain, grief, gratitude and joy are not mutually exclusive; rather, I think each one sharpens the other.
Early in my husband’s illness, someone told him not to waste his illness. Suffering is a holy time, and people are always watching. @Jedon, your love and encouragement to the community on the middle of your suffering is very meaningful t those of us you have touched. Your humor & strength is inspiring and amazing.
I continue to pray to that God whom I experience as infinite love and comfort. We don’t know where He will lead us on our journey, but even when we are alone, He will never leave us or forsake us.
I hope my words don’t offend anyone. I know after such a long time suffering, I needed people to speak big thoughts to me. Much love & peace & healing to you, Jedon.