Apparently I couldn’t help myself after that last one
Since I touched base with the heroes of the underworld about their thoughts on their opposition, I figured that it would be only fair to discuss another hero with the Heroes of Light. I can’t print all of the things they said because, to be sure, there are some serious potty-mouths amongst the holy heroes. I think it has something to do with the fact that my particular choice of topics hit a sore spot. I mean, you know that it was going to be a fun ride when I got the word of the queen, Guinevere herself, to start the research process.
After much secrecy and dodging, I was finally able to determine the best way to reach Guinevere for a face-to-face meeting. Naturally, the place that you’d least expect her to be: At Sir Lancelot’s Loft. It’s one thing to read the legends, but another entirely to see there’s a mote of truth to them. At any rate, I knocked on the door and a shirtless Lancelot opened.
“Look man, I don’t want trouble, just want to ask Guinevere a couple questions…” I asked, looking to see if he had a sword nearby.
“Thou art a persistent oaf.” He hissed under his breath.
“And ahem… thou… hath a glass jaw.” I said, with a snicker.
Just then I saw Guinevere, wrapped in a sheet come around the corner with a coin purse. “Oh, it’s you. I thought Lance had ordered us a [expletive] pizza. Smooth move.”
Lancelot bows sheepishly “My lady, you wound me”
“You’re pretty but OH so stupid when you speak.” She sniffs and rolls her eyes. Well, come on in, Peachy. I won’t fight for your team, but I’ll at least answer your questions." She beckons me into the bedroom and drops the sheet to get dressed.
Slackjawed I sputter but utter no words.
“Well, on with it.” She snaps.
Still struggling to focus I stammer again. “Uhh, yeah…So I’m doing a little legwork to see what some thoughts are on Seshat’s skill on the battle field, particularly from an opponent’s point of view. And errah… you know. stuff.”
“My goodness, you are all simple, stupid creatures really.” She rolls her eyes and lifts her hair out of the way of the corset. “It’s more embarrassing that you found me at here than to see my flesh. But your question…” She smacks her lips abruptly and quickly twitches her head . After a brief sigh, she speaks. “You know they just dug her up to cheese me off, right? Never could leave well enough alone. Always sniped at me whenever she had the chance. Back in high school, you see, she always traveled with her little coterie of wanna-be rent-a-goths who listened to pretentious music and spouted random garbage to sound intellectual. I remember when her father, Thoth, came to pick her up from school in that hearse of his… Ugh, they couldn’t stop giggling and acting like it was the Rolls-Royce Phantom.”
“Uhh-- really appreciate the backstory, Guinevere… but could we talk battle?”
“Fine. She’s devastating and gives me PTSD every single time I see her. She is a brutal [expletive] who [expletive] and [many, many, many more expletives]. Sure she’s good. What do you want me to say? You [expletive].”
I look toward Lancelot, who had just entered the room. His eyes looked tired and his face was full of frustration. I decided to leave as soon as her back was turned. Lancelot followed me out “Thanks for that. You know, it’s not at all as you think it is. Our fun times are ummm well, not many because it takes me forever just to get her to chill the [expletive] out. So, yeah get lost.” He hisses and slams the door behind me.
–
My next stop was the premiere holy monk, Joon. Certainly, he could have a few things to say. When I got to the temple where he resides, he was sparring with Guardian Jackal. I waited for an interminable amount of time before he took a break for water and a single strawberry-flavored go-gurt. As he sucked the dubious substance from the plastic tube, I approached and said “Do you have a moment to talk about your thoughts on Seshat’s battle prowess? Do you respect her ability? Any other thoughts?”
Joon shook his head and offered me a blueberry go-gurt. I declined, detesting those little hate-filled bluish berries of crappiness with every fiber of my otherwise fruit-friendly being.
I looked toward Jackal, who did not flinch or react. “Joon, c’mon man… it took forever to get here. Can you tell me what your thoughts on Seshat?”
“Yes.”
Sensing this was not going to be a long conversation, I put two-and-two together. “You CAN tell me, but you will NOT tell me.”
“Yes.” He nodded.
“So then you admit that this fighter is better than you…” I held up Seshat’s picture.
Joon shot me a glare as the light glinted off of his shiny, sweaty, oily head and I became blinded for a few moments. When I regained my sight, the picture had been incinerated and I was alone in the temple.
–
I flew, drove, and sailed to the other side of the world and met with Poseidon. He was an amiable sort, even after the debacle with Ursena only a week prior, it was good to see someone who was friendly and talkative. He discussed Seshat’s merits at great length and had a great deal of interest in discussing strategies for facing her. “The trick,” he said,"is to never forget she is there. She haunts the wings like a goddess of death and will make you pay. Every time. Every. Time. Don’t talk to Kageburado about her. She’s his quiet nemesis, truth be told. Obviously Guinevere is the main adversary, but wow… talk about a way to almost completely nullify one of the greatest assassins of our time. "
“You know, I always expected more from Guinevere… but she really is a …”
Poseidon put up his hand. “Silence! I’ll tolerate none of that derogatory talk. Mind your manners and adjust your way of thinking. To the topic at hand or begone.”
“How successful are you against Seshat?” I asked, pulling my attention back to the subject.
“If the gods are in a mood, no one is successful. But, I’d like to think that myself and a few of my closest friends can give her a good run. Once she starts summoning, though, it’s hard to recover.”
I thanked him for the chat and made my way to see Vivica who happened to be nearby in the Atlantis Library.
“Seshat… ooo. Very very sweet if you are having a casual chat. I never understood why she and Guinny had to be at such odds. Then again, I get along with everyone and Guinny… just has a bit of prejudice, to put it mildly. I don’t condone it, nor do I spend time with her because I don’t spend my time with toxic people who claim to be from a ‘different, simpler time’ as that is nothing but hogwash and nonsense. Moreover, I believe in a meritocracy and I feel that Seshat is right there at the tippy-top. All of these colors, stations, elements… a bunch of different ways to control us and pigeonhole us without consideration to how well we all can truly work together. Did you know that I often fight alongside Seshat? Her cute little laughing minions are adorable and I love seeing her in action. I’m a pacifist, you see, so I think it’s lovely when everyone has a level playing field. Not everyone wants a level playing field.”
“You… you are amazing.” I nod.
“You are sweet. Oh, I made a mistake and clicked a couple times too many to join your team. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.”
Not at all, thought I, as I cordially excused myself. Having her fight on three individual war teams is always fantastic.
Having rather enjoyed my discussion with Vivica, I resolved to ask her about every hero from now on, regardless of station or color
keep up the good work!