Open gates

Listening choirs, gaming is on, grabbing a drink…

That’s how it started here. I love this game and all my friends try this. Small community, so close and all in same state of mind.

F*** also. I’m here because I can’t coop my loss tbh. The friends are real, truly real, thanks for letting me weep.

It’s hard saying to yourself you’re a drunk ahole, that’s what I am. Drinking at 7 am is common then just start the game. Before you judging, no offense, had 3 coffee already since I’m awake by 5 am.

When do you admit you’re an alcoholic? Well I never did. Very good in hiding.
Never had a perfect life, but it all started in 2015 when losing my entire life. My daughter died.

After that I did everything wrong just not to coop or feel anything. Being incaserated by false accusations for 8 months. When you’re a clean addict, structure is awesome, perfect bmi. Being there was perfection for me. I was writing my boy in US, shaping my body like a 18 yo. They just don’t teach you how to coop…

When I was 6 months beyond bars my paps died. Lungcancer. I could go for a quick goodbye, 30 minutes, same in Nerherlands as global, you’re in jail so fk you… while I had his voice of the day before in my head; I love you, where are you, I’m going to my granddaughter… long story short.

Losing my only kiddo and my paps, there’s always a dude telling you to coop… When you’re locked up and bashed to numb, glad he was there to prove not all mankind is fkepup…

I hit 40 2 months ago and only can deal life by gaming and drinking… tears are in music, choirs and Gym Class Heroes.

Keep fighting, there’s only 1 life. We’ve no help in Netherlands for addicts, community is here for.


Sometimes reaching out and talking is the start to cooping. Are there any groups in your area you can join? Something like AA


Waiting list for 3 years…


First of all, I am really sorry to hear of your loss and your current situation. But now you made a courageous start by admitting your addiction. So well done you. My advice would be for you to go and see your doctor or visit the hospital for advice and guidance for your alcoholism. They are the best people to provide professional support and get you started.
I wish you all the very best for 2020 and a speedy resolution to your issues. Take care


Man that sucks. I remember how I felt when my dad died. I was 36. With two young boys that don’t really remember him 20 years later. It is hard, but hang tough. One step at a time.


Thank you for your story. Very few tell it like it really is. Maybe your life will touch others; maybe their lives will touch you.

I won’t pretend to be qualified to give advice, only to say I understand loss and the search for some way to cope.


Some find help for alcoholism in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). May you find what you need most.

Edit: I found solace in friends, be they “real life” or online.


I’ve been thinking about it for 45 minutes, and truly have no idea what to say that could possibly help.

So I’ll just say, thank you for sharing your story, and for being part of this community. :heart_decoration:


While your story and struggles are your own – and I don’t pretend to know how you feel – I have experienced addiction.

You can never give up. Always keep your hopes up even if you relapse. Reaching out as you did takes a lot of courage. May you find the support you need – we are here for support too if you ever need it.


Firstly, thank you for sharing your story and just reaching out. It was tough to read, and I imagine even tougher for you to write.

I can’t begin to comprehend the path you have travelled up to this point, or the impact of the tragedies you have faced along the way. I am so sorry :cry:.

You are not alone. :hugs:


Hi Sagittarius,

I’m relatively new to the game and very new to this forum (only a few days) so please don’t ask for any help about E&P :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

I’ve personally struggled most of my life with mental health issues irrespective of how good or bad life seems at any given moment (certainly genetic factors involved). I’ve also ended up in a career where I have a duty of care for others, so I’m acutely aware of the value of communities and fora such as this to help avoid excessive internalisation.

What JGE has said is excellent. Find people you can talk with on here, or IRL, as that can help diffuse some of the day to day stresses before they snowball out of control over time.

Also, what JGE says about seeing a doctor/GP or hospital is extremely good advice. Often you may get referred to specialists from counseling services, AA, or psychiatrists.

One thing I want to add to JGE’s great post is that don’t settle for whatever professional “help” you receive if it’s not working/helping. This may sound flippant, but shop around for the right person or people/services that help. I’ve had GPs refer me to psychologists and I found them all exasperating and didn’t help me at all. I ended up asking my doctor (not my first either) for alternatives. He referred me to a clinical psychiatrist which sounded scary, but this guy has been brilliant for my personality and issues.

It’s great to have support in a community like this, but please follow up with medical professionals, and furthermore, don’t give up if some of the help you receive doesn’t work for you. If you ate at a restaurant a couple of times and it wasn’t to your liking, you don’t stop eating, you go find another one that tastes good. Please try to do the same with medical/mental health services.

Take care and don’t stop communicating.



Thank everyone for the support and advice, really appreciate that.
I reached out to my doctor, thankfully she saw it’s serious, so she referred me to a clinical phychiatrist.
It feels like a bordon falling of my shoulders, not only to be open about it, also to stop lying to myself. It’s hard to come clean and personally I’ve been hiding too much in helping others rather than myself. Pretty ridiculous when you think of it rational.
Really really appreciate, not only this community, but overall people sharing their personal story. It’s not easy being vulnerable


they say the first step is saying it out loud. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, you have no idea who you may have helped. :hearts:


Just read through your struggles and wanted to reach out to you and see how things have been.

Thinking of you.


Just had this come up because of @Math4lyfe’s comment. I hope you are receiving the assistance you need and were looking for. This truly speaks to the good that the communities we engage in can help in times of need.

If you feel comfortable with it please update us as you continue on.



First of all, you guys are great, it’s heartwarming people actually care and reach out. That’s an awesome example to pretty much the entire world.

I’m doing much better than when starting this subject. Now I’m getting proper help by intense therapy, EMDR. It means going to the trauma again and I had to talk about it, not only the images but also what my feelings were and are. The therapist in my case brings a differs sound while I experience the trauma, to distract me and disassociate to the happening.

So far it’s very helpfull, have had 3 sessions now, and still have a long way, which is good. I had no expectations at all. I’ve been raised feelings and vulnerability is for the weak, but I feel so much stronger being open and vulnerable.

While doing therapy, we haven’t discussed alcohol, but I’m proud to say I haven’t been drinking because I don’t feel like I need it.
Since I’m just starting this, there probably will be moments I want to drink, so 1 step at the time. It’s a small victory for myself to know I don’t need it as much as I thought.

Again, thank you all so much for really just being yourselves and positive thoughts. I’ll keep updating this journey…


We’re 6 months along and tru a lot of struggles, covid, damaging a lot of us, losing great players bc of sickness,
We are still here and okay now.
I never knew what’s keeping a mind busy can reflect so much on others.
I’m saying we, that’s a comfortable zone for me as I’m never alone, as in music, my dogs and need a confirmation in being acceptable for reaching and telling.
I’ve learned how to… letteraly asking people: howre you, let me help you. How are you today and see in ones eyes, it’s appreciated you asking or just offering coffee bc seeing your neighbor.

It’s an eyeopener for me. All above experiences.

Still haven’t been drinking, the longing is still, that prob never go away, which is fine. What I’ve now is great!

Thank you all for keeping thinking of me, can’t thank you guys enough. We all need support in good and bad times :heart:


This is great news @Sagittarius. Taking care of business, and i am glad to hear you are feeling better about yourself. You seem more confident and strong in who you are. God bless you and i hope it continues. Idk how many people will say this, but i am proud of you for your alcohol achievements. You have done well


Just read your story. My Dad was an Alcoholic for much of my life tbh. I don’t recall a time he wasn’t.

A few years ago he turned it around though and you’ve made me want to share the story.

I was sad to say I’d given up on him In honesty. Addiction does that to you, you can only deal with so many apologies, so many disappointments. We all have our limits and after 20 years of dealing with it I had to disconnect for my own sanity. I’ve always had the guilt from that, which probably won’t ever go.

After my Grandma died he inherited some money from her and after probably a 6 month bender he ended up in hospital and was basically told that’s it, you are out of passes now. You carry on and the end is very near. I honestly think at that point he experienced the “moment of clarity” for the first time in his life. He was 59 when that happened.

My sister decided enough was enough and moved him to be with her. She lives in a different country so it was a big move for him but it definitely saved him.

He was with his Grandkids and she somehow did what no one else had ever managed and she got him to admit he had a problem. He’d never in my company ever admitted he was an Alcoholic. In fact he’d openly deny it. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt I guess…

Now, however she did it, she got him to seek some help. And that gave him the strength to want to fight it. He’d never wanted to fight it before I don’t think.

I spoke to him a few months ago and he’s been sober about a year now. Like you he’s found the Covid-19 lockdown a difficult time but I’m proud of him and I don’t think I’ve had that feeling since I was about 9. My sister keeps him in check and he has his own little flat now and takes the kids to school and picks them up everyday. He’s found a purpose I think, a reason to stay sober. I’m jealous in a way because he’s a genuinely lovely person when he’s sober and his Grandkids are getting the Dad I wanted as their Grandad.

This isn’t a story I share often by the way. Maybe there’s an anonymity here that allows these stories to be shared more freely but reading your story I felt I wanted to say something.

That something is well done and keep strong. Life is worth living and there’s a reason for you to do it and to keep fighting for it. Respect for doing what you have.


Just wow.

A game… a match-3 game. That’s how this community started.

And now we’ve created a space for sharing knowledge… sharing stories… sharing hardships… helping each other “get better” in whatever sense that means to you.

This thread is another reminder that this “game” is much more than a grid of 5 colors and reaches further than we could ever truly imagine.

@Sagittarius thank you for the continued updates. It’s great to hear that you are making a decided effort each day to move forward.

@Cheds thank you for sharing your story… I hope it inspires others who might be struggling to do the same.


I am so happy that you got the medical help and support to manage your journey to a better place. Thanks for these updates. I sincerely hope that everything goes well for you in the future. You Really do deserve it …