@MysterySpin Grabs the mic...An Audience with @JonahTheBard 🎙️

Oh! Didn’t realize you were gay. And no, it doesn’t matter to me at all. I’m fully 100,000% pro gay rights. I’m only hetero because I was born male and found myself naturally attracted to females. Can’t help who you’re attracted to, right? I try to imagine what the world would be like if being hetero was considered odd, and I was forced to pretend that I was attracted to males, and expected to marry a male. That would be… extremely awkward, to say the least.

I could of course give you the whole cliche “some of my best friends are gay” line… reality is that I don’t have many friends. Not close ones, anyway. But a person’s individual sexual preferences never mattered to me (unless I was interested in them romantically). And my dad’s mother allegedly left his father to be with a woman. Or so I’ve been told - I only met her once, about 35-some odd years ago, I don’t even know if she is still alive today (as you might imagine, her existence was kind of “written out” of the family lineage).

I guess some people might think it would be weird to have a lesbian grandmother? My whole damn family is weird, so that was about the least weird thing I learned about any of them. :smiley:


Also, “for what it’s worth”… I’m no stranger to hate based on certain societal biases. I’m technically in an “interracial relationship”. I’m Caucasian and my girlfriend is not Caucasian (she is half Mexican / half Native American).

You would think that in the year 2020, in a multicultural country like the U.S.A., that would not be considered an issue. But it is. It’s incredibly annoying to have to deal with the “disapproving looks” and quietly murmured comments behind our backs, people asking her “where she’s from” and whether or not she speaks English. She was born in this country. Her ancestors were in North America many centuries, probably many millennia before mine (or yours or anyone else’s) were.

She might be a shy, quiet, diminutive person, but I’m a very large, strong, and potentially very mean guy with anger management issues, and she is officially under my protection.


Um… sorry @JonahTheBard . Almost forgot that this is your thread. And again… a thousand prayers for you and your family. I’d say you need to be more careful going forward, but I’m sure your body is already busy building up all those 5* antibodies (for free, no RNG), I believe in you and I believe that you will be okay. But please continue to take care of yourself.

You moderator people can be a big pain in my ■■■ sometimes with all of your stupid rules and flags and closing threads and not letting me give my forum opponents the proper textual throttling that they so richly deserve (whoopsie, that kind of came out sounding a bit dirty, didn’t it?)… but dammit, without you guys, this forum would collapse into utter chaos like the rest of the internet. And in spite of my sometimes borderline anarchistic tendencies, I don’t really want that to happen here.

Get well soon, my friend (if I’m allowed to call you that?)


Aww hell yeah. I knew I liked you. I love me some Sherlock. I did thoroughly enjoy the Sherlock series on netflix tho. I also really liked the animated series as a kid.

I also like that you have your own pyramid.

This was a very entertaining read. Get well soon JTB


Okay way way way off topic here (again, as usual… I’ll try to brace for the incoming flags)

But a while back, I was thinking about that whole parallel universe thing. I thought about all the choices I’ve made in my life. How one led to another, so on and so forth. And how different my life would be had I done anything differently. Maybe today I’d be incredibly rich with 4 kids? Or maybe I would have died 20 years ago? Impossible to know for sure.

Then I had a particularly crazy thought. Maybe I did die already. Not just once, but a thousand times or more. And maybe, every time that I could have died, that branch of my reality ended, and I was redirected to another path, another parallel universe, where I didn’t die. And that’s the only reason why I’m still here, posting this ridiculous thought. Because every other possible scenario before this one resulted in my untimely death. And that, no matter what “choices” I choose for myself in life, the only ones that will “stick” in my current reality are the ones that do not result in my demise.

Thus, literally everything I do is right, because anything I do that is wrong will eventually end up killing me, and my existential lifeline literally depends on my survival. If I were to say, run out into the middle of the street today and get run over and killed by a car, I would cease to exist. In this particular universe. But in another universe, there is a slightly wiser version of me who decides that maybe it’s not such a good idea to run in front of a moving car, and that is the version of me that lives on to post more rambling nonsense here another day.


Of course at this point, half the people who just read all of that are probably asking themselves whether or not it’s possible to kill an infinite number of versions of me in every universe in order to prevent me from posting here again.

Sadly, for them…


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Interesting read and a great insight into @JonahTheBard, but where are @MysterySpin’s answers? Did he find it not possible to keep his short enough :rofl: ?


Think you’ll find them here.

Get your reading glasses ready. If you think my posts were long? I got nothing on this guy. He is absolutely epic.


Ahh, thanks. I missed that one.

And yes, his posts usually are epic … in many ways. All of them good BTW.


Im still laughing here @JonahTheBard :rofl:

I know all the reasons I like you, but it’s funny having 20 more added in five minutes.

Oh, and yes, you’re on the council of Co-leads. :grin:


Hot fuzz is wicked ain’t seen it in years!


Hope you get better soon Jonah. Thoroughly enjoyed the answers. I shall give a proper response after a suitable delay for both recovery and… (given the don’t max out people’s phone memory plea you will appreciate this) whilst I wait for a replacement PSU as during the first attempt at a response I blew up my computer’s PSU (power supply unit). So at the least you can be thankful there won’t be carpet bombing of text hitting the forum for awhile…

Hoping you feel better soon,

The Whack-tacular Windbag…


This sounds like a perfect title :rofl:

From the Sour Vinegary Cheap W(h)ine :crazy_face:


That was a great read from start to finish. Fantastically ridiculous! Keep up the good work, a break from the usual posts is always welcomed.


Thnx @JonahTheBard and @MysterySpin for this entertaining read.
There are some eyebrows lifted during the read but not too many.
I could suggest some bands for you to listen to but not sure if you this will speed up your recovery or only delay it…
Get well soon dear Bard


Hit me :+1:

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Not much time now and will add more for you when I have some more time to do so but here is a start:
I hope you hve a spotify account and don’t need to watch on youtube but will give them in youtube links as that is most easy to do.

Electric Wizard, Dopethrone.
One of the classic albums in this genre and a need to listen when trying something out of the ordinary. Officially a Doom band but I don’t think the genre label fits for this album.

Cult of luna and Julie Christmas, Mariner.
I could have picked more albums, Somewhere aong the highway or Vertical I and II but this one is special as the Swedish post metal band (with 2 drummers even on live performances) have made a collaboration with Julie Christmas. They made this on a distance as they do not live close. Sending audio files back and forth and adding both to the songs till this masterpiece came to live. Julie is normaly not into this heavy things but is complementing the sound of the band perfeclty. In these time of social distancing it could be done again to make an abum in this way, everybody adding things to a song and recoring each part (drums, guitars, vocals and so on).

I seriously don’t know what album to suggest to you but what more does anybody need than rum infested drinking songs about pirates. Is there anything else that you need to make you smile?
Great and very strong lyrics: … with an anchor but nothing too serious.
So I just added a live performance that I have been too see IRL to give some idea.

Amenra, Mass VI.
Not for the faint of heart these Belgians know what it is to get under your skin. They also have some unplugged versions that you also might check out. For many people Amenra is a religion, the try to help you cope with all sorts of mess in life and mainly go about pain, death and coping with it. Has helped me in many times to get my mind back into the right mind. When my aunt died we had a show of them in the acoustic version planned on that day in the evening in a church (metal band in a church??? Yes it can be done). Have been crying all concert long as it moved to the bone that night. Every song just pierced my hart and thoughts.
I just added the most recent album, special attention for a Solitary reign as this is their masterpiece on this album. You might check the liver perfomance in AB Brussel but please keep in mind this is 18+ and serious to watch. This is the album release for the album below.

Russian circles,
Don’t seem to be able to find guidance or Blood year as an album on youtube so no linkie linkie here.
Named after the repetitive turning of circles the russian icehockey skaters did in practice. This is some stoner music with repetative loops and circles in it that you need to enjoy calmy or in a liver performance.

Pijn and Conjurer, Curse these metal hands.
Both bands alone I don’t like too much but combined… Oh wow!
They first worked together on Roadburn festival for a commisioned piece and now made this alblum. It’s a short one but sit back and relax!

As already stated, I will update when I have some more time.
There is more to come :slight_smile:

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Thanks man. I’m already down with Alestorm!!! But the rest are new :slightly_smiling_face:


I read the whole thing. I was strong and good, and didn’t cry; I wanted to, but I didn’t, even when things blew up.


I grew up with brothers. Ya’ tease the ones you love.


Ain’t that the truth! I’ve had both of my kids home and it seems like all I hear when they’re together is a string of profane exchanges, among which “You rat bastard!” is the mildest.

Fun fact: JB gets to ride his bike to work, as he is a well known blackjack dealer at the Luxor.

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