# Just the place for a Snark! I have said it once

I taught FORTRAN programming back in the early 80s, but escaped COBOL.

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You know…

A mathematician was asked to calculate how much milk a person can get out of a cow…

The first sentence on the mathmatician’s report was the following, …

Assume the cow is a sphere…

Pause

let’s do something different @Kerridoc
Let’s have some old time fun…

Using Excel, for the values in cells A1, A2 and A3, make an Excel formula in A4 that does the following …

A) Checks if any of the values is not a number.
B) Checks if any of the cells is blank.
C) Checks if any two values are equal.
D) Finds the minimum value.
E) Returns an Error mssage if A, B or C is true.

A4=IF(AND(A1<>0,A2<>0,A3<>0,ISNUMBER(A1),ISNUMBER(A2),ISNUMBER(A3),A1<>A2,A1<>A3,A2<>A3),IF(AND(A1<A2,A1<A3),A1,IF(AND(A2<A1,A2<A3),A2,IF(AND(A3<A1,A3<A2),A3))),“You have either one of the cells is blank or text or at least two of the values are equal”)

Functions used … IF, AND, ISNUMBER … 3.

Can you do it using more functions?

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Darn…

I shouldn’t have been in to much of a rush to respond … there is a flaw in Formula #01.

It works fine if the cells are blank… but does not interpret 0 correctly … It doesn’t give the right answer if one of the values is 0 .

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I guess, a cow can not be a sphere.

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Page two…

Assume the cow is a cube…

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An economist, a mathematician and a logician were on a train from London to Edinburgh. Shortly after crossing into Scotland, the party espied a cow grazing in a pasture.

“Look,” said the economist, “cows in Scotland are black.”

“Well,” said the mathematician, “we know that one cow in Scotland is black.”

“Really all we know,” retorted the logician. “Is that one side of one cow is black.”

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A4 = IF(OR(NOT(ISNUMBER(A1)),NOT(ISNUMBER(A2)),NOT(ISNUMBER(A3))),”Non-numeric entry detected.”,IF(OR(A1=A2,A1=A3,A2=A3),”Non-unique values detected.”),min(A1:A3))

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And … because it is neither the monkey nor the tiger in a man that I fear, … it is the donkey!

Will do. Just typing here in the forums; hadn’t even opened Excel. Parens nesting may be wrong, too.

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A chemist, a mechanical engineer, and a mathematician are staying at a hotel one night. A fire starts up in the hallway outside their rooms, and the smoke wakes the mechanical engineer up.

He goes out, sees the fire, and spies a water spigot and a bucket nearby. He thinks: “mechanical interaction to the rescue!”, and smothers the fire with the bucket. He then turns the bucket back over and goes back to sleep.

Some while later, the fire starts up again and wakes the chemist. She goes out into the hallway, sees the buckets the spigot and the fire, and thinks: “chemical reaction to the rescue!” She fills the bucket with water, and douses the fire. Then she sets the bucket back under the spigot and goes back to sleep.

The fire starts up once again a bit later, and this time the smoke wakes the mathematician. He goes out into the hallway, sees the bucket, the spigot, and the fire, and thinks: “Aha! A solution exists!” Then he goes back to sleep.

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A4=IF(AND(NOT(OR(COUNT(A1:A3)<=2,ISBLANK(A1),ISBLANK(A2),ISBLANK(A3))),A1<>A2,A1<>A3,A2<>A3),IF(AND(A1<A2,A1<A3),A1,IF(AND(A2<A1,A2<A3),A2,IF(AND(A3<A1,A3<A2),A3))),“You have either one of the cells blank, a text or at least two of the values are equal”)

Functions used … IF, AND, NOT , OR, COUNT and ISBLANK … :6

Note: ISBLANK(A1:A3) only true when all the three cells are blank at the same time … Check condition “B” above.

That’s why i broke it down to three one for each cell!

Pause

Let’s see if we can use more functions and make the formula even more complex…

Page 3

Assume the cow is a … dancing cylindar …

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Well, … This will be my last page on the subject about Excel spreadsheet… over here

I promise.

=IF(AND(NOT(OR(COUNT(A1:A3)<=2,ISBLANK(A1),ISBLANK(A2),ISBLANK(A3))),ISERROR(MODE(A1:A3))), SMALL(A1:A3,1), "Check your values. ")

Functions used … IF, AND, NOT, OR, COUNT, ISBLANK, ISERROR, MODE and SMALL … :9

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Main reasons why I want to end this because I know it will not stop …

… And most probably, I will get carried by the thoughts that this could be the start of really finding out how the RNG (cough) of this game works… and end up insane again and… again!

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Thank you @Kerridoc and @Garanwyn for the fun we had last night… and to @citygentry for the inspiration.

P.S

Sorry!

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(And nicely illustrated too)!

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(post content was erased by author, can not be deleted … automatically )

And … because it is neither the monkey nor the tiger in a man that I fear, … it is the donkey!

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I’m not personally a fan of the idea either. But it does seem to have a decent bit of support, since it’s been suggested multiple times.

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And … because it is neither the monkey nor the tiger in a man that I fear, … it is the donkey!

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(post content was erased by author, can not be deleted … automatically )

And … because it is neither the monkey nor the tiger in a man that I fear, … it is the donkey!

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(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

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It has been a … great journy!

Take care!

P.S.

"Now he’s gone, I don’t know why
And 'till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn’t even say goodbye
He didn’t take the time to lie

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down"

Bang Bang by Angelina Jordan … 8 years old.

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I love the second flagged post on the post titled “My First Flagged Post.”

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@Tough_E_Nough
Looks like you’re on a farewell tour. I have enjoyed your reads. And may you some day overcome your fear of donkey men.
double taps left pec with right hand fist

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Happy Cake Day, TEN.