“We will execute you by firing squad!” The rebel commander decreed
First soldier was brought out. As the firing squad got ready, the soldier has a bright idea. “Tornado!” She yelled. The rebels panicked, and the soldier was able to escape
Second soldier was brought out. Taking a cue from the first, he yelled, “Flood!” The rebels panicked, and the soldier escaped too
The third soldier, feeling good about himself, prepared to do the same thing. As the rebels got ready to execute him, he yelled, “Fire!!!”
Elena, Vivica and Richard had escaped from the Dark Lord’s base and were running through the jungle.
They could hear the rebels chasing them.
“Let’s hide in the trees!” Suggested Elena. Vivica and Richard agreed, and each climbed into a tree
The Dark Lord stopped under a tree. Vivica, hiding in it, accidentally dropped an apple. “Who’s there?” Snapped DL. Thinking fast, Vivica imitated a bird. “Chirp! Chirp!”
“Just a bird,” DL said, and moved to Elena’s tree. Copying Vivica, Elena imitated a monkey. “Oook ook ook!”
“Just a monkey,” DL said, and moved to Richard’s tree.
Richard, pleased with himself, decided to imitate an animal too. Breathing in, he went…
15 years ago there was a visual arts trail around Bristol and someone put this in as a joke. It has never been taken down.
I found it the other day when I had a hospital appointment and got lost walking back.
It reflects the bus times where I am currently. Non existent!
The Wife and I for Fun.
Both made a up List of
FIVE People That we would
be Allowed to Sleep With,
if we got the chance.
She picked Johnny Depp,
Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt,
Zac Efron and Robert
Pattinson.*
I picked her Sister, her Fit
Cousin, her Best Mate
from her Work, our Next
Door Neighbour and the
Big ****ed Girl, from our
local Co-Op supermarket.
S3x teacher draws a pic of
pen’s and asked:
Do anyone know what is it?
Kid: Yes mam, my dad had two
of these.
Teacher: What? How?
Kid: 1 small for susu & 1 big to
brush mom’s teeth.
Signing the wedding register, the groom had difficulty in making his ball point pen work. “Put your weight on it,” said the vicar. So the groom complied: ‘John Brown (12stone, 4pounds)’
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”
“Listen mate, I have a problem. Tomorrow is my wedding. And now I have tickets to this rock festival! Can you go for me?”
“Certainly!”
“Ok thanks. Her name is Janet and she is blonde. She’ll probably be wearing something in white. Give her my regards!”
