Scene: Small Giant’s Offices, Helsinki. A rugged, brawny Finn - @Petri - strides into the office. @Mhalttu - strikingly handsome but dishevelled and with bloodshot eyes - is slumped in a chair.
Petri: Greetings, Mhalttu! How was your weekend?
Mhalttu: Have you been reading the forum, Petri? Do you see what they have been saying about the change to the power metric?
Petri: For my weekend, I cut down some trees, built a longboat, then sailed it on the Baltic.
Mhalttu: I told them exactly what the change was, explained its purpose and effect, reassured them that it would not affect hero performance, and they’ve still spent the last week and a half arguing about it. What is wrong with them?! Why are they so bitter and disbelieving?!
Petri: Calm down, man. Do you know what today is?
Mhalttu: Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?
Petri: There was a special request.
Mhalttu: Please put a shirt on. Your pectoral muscles are unreasonably masculine.
Petri: Okay, my friend, okay. When was the last time you slept?
Mhalttu: Who can sleep when the forum is overflowing with such drivel? Why does that shirt have your picture on it?
Petri: This is a little something that Rook whipped up. Read what it says, go on. What day is it?
Mhalttu: That shirt is too small. Your nipples are tearing through the fabric.
Petri: It’s Petri Day! Today is Petri Day! Happy Petri Day, Mhalttu!
Mhalttu: Whatever, dude. [Swigs vodka from half-empty bottle.]
Petri: Come now, you need not be jealous! Today is a day for all staff that just happens to be named after me. Sara! Are you here, Sara?
A hooded figure, lithe and stealthy, emerges from behind the coffee machine in the kitchenette. This is @Sara.
Sara: You called for me, Petri?
Petri: Happy Petri Day! Here - I got you a shirt.
Sara: Um… thanks.
Petri: Put it on! Join the Petri-bration!
Sara: Why don’t you keep it. Your awesome musculature seems to have torn your shirt to shreds. Do you sharpen those nipples?
Petri: Come now! We finally have a day to celebrate our collective achievements - Petri Day! Why am I the only person who is excited about this? Staff! Staff! Come out!
Six frightened faces pop up like meerkats from within their cubicles: @Caio, @Davidsgg, @J.o, @na.na, @ninja and @sofii.
Petri: I have shirts for everyone! I brought fresh reindeer meat and pickled herring! Today everyone is permitted to take a lunch break! Happy Petri Day, everyone!
Staff: [Obviously terrified.] Yay! Hooray for Petri!
Petri: Not for me! It is not about me. It just happens to be named after me. Today is a day to celebrate all our achievements. Especially mine.
Mhalttu: Can I borrow your drugs?