I was invited to visit Aegir’s campsite deep in the Ruins of Skyfheim. Seeing as this was a true rags-to-raggedy-riches story, I could not resist. When I got there, I was surprised to see no tent and quite possibly the smallest campfire I’d ever seen. The campfire was so small I was surprised that it could even stay lit. I was lost in thought when I was startled back to reality by a wheezing laugh behind me.
“Ho there, friend! Easy. Easy… I believe we were to meet.” The voice said. “Pull up a bit of rubble there, and we’ll chat some.”
I turn and see Aegir standing before me, with copious amounts of ice crystallized over his facial hair and an unearthly bluish hue to his skin. Feelinng the bitter chill of the Skyfheim air, I sat on the rubble closest to the fire, remarking to myself how pathetic was the heat that emanated from the embers. “Before we get too far into it… what is the deal with this fire, man?”
“I use it for light. Why… did you need it for something else?” Aegir queried, cluelessly.
“No… I guess… I guess not. No. Why would I need fire for anything? Just crazyness.” I deadpanned.
“Ach! You’re a southerner. Probably freezin your pebbles off. Heh heh. I’ll throw another log on the fire to warm you a bit.” Aegir reached over and tossed the “log” on the fire. It was not a log. It was a friggin stick. I was unimpressed, but the token gesture was enough to coax me to think on other topics.
“Suppose you’ll be wanting my life story, eh?” Aegir mused aloud.
“Please god no–” I stammered, before recovering wonderfully. “-- I wouldn’t want to keep you from gathering wood or building what amounts to bonzai campfires…”
“You know, sarcasm travels just as fast up here as it does in the South, Peachy. I got it. You just want the summary… for some reason.”
I nodded, in appreciation of his wisdom.
“Well, I’ll cut to it then. Up here in these ruins? Nobody. Just me, some frost wolves and that pompous guy who thinks he is some sort of ‘commander’, but what army I don’t know.” Aegir gestures around with both hands bemusedly. “Anyhow, you know most of the tourist traffic hits Isgilham. They’ve got a bigger village there, more recruits for the ever-widening and insatiable pallates of our cannibalistic masters… And who doesn’t like killing Yeti? Anyway, it’s boring up here. So I made my way south and a recruiter came and picked me to be a hero of this grand new adventure.” He pulled out a clear plastic bag filled with dried meat and offered me some. I politely declined. “Eh. Just as well. It’s whats left of George, former warrior buddy of mine. Real bitter fella. Heh Heh.”
This man is not okay, I thought to myself, eager to get to some place warmer than minus forty below.
“Anyway, long story shortened somewhat, I went through all the trials and I think people were genuinely happy to hear of my arrival. Then, when I finally showed up, they realized I was terrible! Heh heh.Joke was on them, I guess. But, hey, I was new at this hero-ing business, so it took me awhile to acclimatize myself. I got there eventually, I did. Not bad for a faceless wonder from the North, amirite? I mean, I still pretty much suck, let’s face it. But people don’t pay attention to the basics any more so I win more battles than I should. Then that upstart Hatter had to come and steal my thunder… Ach… it’s just as well. It’s a much more interesting life than it was, I tell you that much. So… what’s your story? Still just a stupid human wasting your life tapping lifeless pixels on a screen? Thought so. Good times. Goooooood times.” Aegir finished with an acidic wink.
“You are a cold son-of-a…” I began.
“Hush now, Southerner. I believe it’s time you headed on your way.” Aegir chuckled.
“I will find you. I will find you and kill you over and over again. I swear it.” I hissed, chagrined.
“Heh heh. Good times… Good times…” Aegir cackled as he rose from the bit of frosty rock he’d perched on.
I do not like that man.
