Green Reflections on Telluria

[DDTDuchess]

Some of the Green OG accepted an invitation to a watering hole in the forest to give their thoughts on Telluria. Let’s just say that the reviews were mixed:

We spoke first to Lianna, who had ordered a whiskey sour. She stood on one side of the bar taking aim at the dartboard and effortlessly hitting Triple-20 nearly every time…except for when she needed an exact number of points in the countdown from 301.

Triple 20 x 5, One x1—Game over in six darts.

ME: Hey, Lianna, thanks for stopping by here. Are you glad to have a mighty hero like Telluria on your side?

LIANNA: You said what? On what side? Do you even know how all of this works? Green heroes don’t automatically side with green heroes. There are families. There are classes. Even that doesn’t matter. If I like you, I’ll fight on your side. Nobody owns Lianna.

And, no, I don’t care if I get sent with her or not. I’ll do my job. I always do. But I don’t care.

ME: Why wouldn’t you want to go with her?

LIANNA: The stupid tree? This is a new feeling for me, what do they call it—jealousy? Yeah. I guess jealousy. I usually don’t have much to be jealous of but it’s like—old and busted, Lianna.

ME: You’re still useful.

LIANNA: Useful. Thanks. I’m flattered.

ME: Useful is good.

LIANNA: I USED to be the best. Look, I aim, I fire a Perfect Shot, I kill. You just point and tell me who you want dead—

(Lianna takes careful aim at the dartboard and nails the bullseye)

–Right through the heart. Richard, dead. Ares, dead. They’ll all die. It seems like we always come back. I think the world is a simulation.

ME: You still do that, don’t you?

LIANNA: Those minions will soften the blow just enough and I don’t know what it is, but Telluria seems to have just a little left. Every time.

The point is being able to kill at will was once enough to make you great. I guess you have to be able to do nine different things now.

***A small iguana like creature came over, made some chortling noises, closed his eyes and looked down.

ME: Can he say anything?

LIANNA: Oh my God!!! That’s SO RUDE!!! His name is Kashkrek and he DID say something, he just didn’t say it in your language. I happen to speak Lizardfolk, apologize and I will THINK about translating.

ME: I’m sorry Kashkrek. I didn’t mean to be rude.

LIANNA (patting Kashkrek on the head): That’s better. He said that he’s been made useless.

ME: Useless? Why do you feel useless Kashkrek?

KASHKREK (Translated by Lianna): There was once a time that I was considered the tankiest of the green bunch, or at least, one of them. We would line the sides of our alliance of empires up for wars against other alliances and you’d at least think about taking me on the green front.

Some people considered the others as not really doing much, even those who were supposed to be better. Lianna is the best archer on the planet, of course, but she is seen as too frail to take on the majority of the offensive onslaught.

But, the skin of us Lizardfolk is thick. I can take some punishment to protect my friends. It doesn’t hurt that badly. Telluria has made me useless. She’s the only one who can take a punch better than I can…although I still handle burns better.

ME: You look pretty stout. I wouldn’t want to mess with you.

LIANNA: You see that weapon in Kashkrek’s hand? He’s never used it. He’s a sweetheart and he can’t bring himself to seriously hurt anyone. Sometimes he will ram enemies with his head, but that’s it…he’s never cut anybody.

All he wants to do is protect his two closest friends on the field, but because of Telluria, he’s not really the best to do that anymore. Telluria also protects everyone.

(A puff of smoke filled the area and a wizard with flowing white hair and beard appeared out of nowhere. I recognized him as the one they call Melendor.)

ME: What’s your take on Telluria?

MELENDOR: I don’t mind her and I’m glad to be called upon less. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m no spring chicken. I’ve even put on the white robes of neutrality. I want this senseless fighting to stop…I will give a spiritual shield to whoever needs it and heal any who are hurt.

Besides, I start getting Government benefits if I can live two more years.

HORGHALL: I AM HORGHALL!

ME: Lianna, what’s he saying?

LIANNA: His name is Horghall.

HORGHALL (In a different tone): I…AM…Horghall.

ME: Pleasure to meet you. What do you think of Telluria?

HORGHALL: I am Horghall. I am Horghall.

ME: Can you…um…Lianna?

LIANNA: Horghall only knows three words, “I,” “Am,” “Horghall,” and exclusively in that order.

ME: Do you speak his language?

LIANNA: He doesn’t have one, as far as I know.

HORGHALL: I am Horghall.

(At this point, an angel with oversized facial features entered the room)

LIANNA: Put your Emerald away, Zeline, God. You’ve already flashed all of us enough. At least you’re finally wearing panties under that thing.

ZELINE: You mortal creatures and your need for clothes. We know no shame where I am from because it’s as natural as nature itself.

LIANNA: I’m just saying you don’t have to give it all away for free.

ZELINE: Why are we here?

LIANNA: This person wants to know what everyone thinks about Telluria.

ZELINE: Who is Telluria?

LIANNA: The idiot tree. You don’t know who—oh, hell with it. Just go get yourself a drink Zeline.

ZELINE: I have no need for your mortal beverages. My business here is done.

(An Emerald shined in front of Zeline and she was gone)

LIANNA: That bubblehead. You can’t hate her. It would be like hating a small and unintelligent animal…she just is what she is.

ME: She’s certainly unique.

LIANNA: I guess. Tries to say she doesn’t care about showing it off…I saw Caedmon making eyes at her the other day.

ME: Where’s he?

LIANNA (Chuckling and gesturing at a figure slumped over the bar): Over there, good luck waking him up. It’s already three in the afternoon, so he and Kiril have been at it for awhile.

I don’t know why Caedmon tries, Kiril can drink anyone under the table.

KASHKREK: (Chortling noises)

ME: What did he say?

LIANNA: We drink with the blue heroes sometimes, it’s not like they can hurt us. Kashkrek says that Lizardfolk can’t actually get drunk and Kiril STILL drank more ale than Kashkrek simply because Kashkrek could not hold that much liquid.

ME: Is there anyone else coming?

LIANNA: Nah. The newer ones mostly won’t hang out at this bar, especially not Kingston with his fancy cocktails that our bartender can’t even make. This place is kind of considered a dive, but I like it here.

Mostly because of Kashkrek. He loves it here even though he doesn’t drink and he’s my best friend.

(Lianna turned and gave Kashkrek another pat on the head)

Elkanen and Kadilen might stop by, but you won’t get anything out of them. They mostly won’t talk to anyone except each other unless we’re on the battlefield. They’ll exchange pleasantries and are polite enough, but you won’t get them in an actual conversation.

ME: Well, thank you for the talk. Is it cool if I stick around and buy you a few more rounds?

LIANNA: Sure. Kashkrek seems to like you anyway. Maybe check out the trendy place down in the meadow on the weekend, it’s closed during the week. Kingston and some of the other new warriors hang out there.

[Pompitous]

@DDTDuchess

At least you’re finally wearing panties under that thing.

Wardrobe nerf? Check

[Chadmo]

Good god that was brilliant! I could actually picture all the goings on in my head.

Bravo!

[Guvnor]

@JonahTheBard, entry to the fandom database?

[DDTDuchess]

I strolled the next evening down into the meadow, located in a grove. Looking up, I saw a sign written with roses that said, “Flowers in Bloom,” which Lianna had told me was the name of the happening dance club. I’d selected my best dress of leaves and lilies for the occasion, thought I looked pretty spiffy if I do say so myself.

I walked in wanting to find the one they call Kingston first, but he found me instead.

KINGSTON: Hey there, sugar doll, you must be that battle reporter Lianna told us so much about. Is that what you’re wearing? Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Lillies were two weeks ago. It’s okay. Fashion can be tough to keep up with.

(I looked around and noticed that there weren’t any games to be found at this club. No pool tables, no darts…just a bar along the back wall, different VIP tables, a dance floor and stage with what looked like an iron horse spinning dance tracks.)

ME: Who’s the DJ?

KINGSTON: That’s Guardian Gazelle, she’s the one who brings the spirit to this club! That girl’s got all the newest and hottest tracks. She’s a holy warrior, but that pretty little thing Li Xiu comes here sometimes and recommended her to us. What a sweetheart! Li Xiu has the best perfume also.

(Kingston then sniffed the air around him)

Girl, what’s that fragrance? Is that Calming Mist? You got that from Belith, didn’t you? It’s nice. It really is lovely, but it’s so last year. You should see if Li Xiu will give you some of her Seven Splashes of Love fragrance…it should still be in style for at least another week.

ME: Thanks. I might ask her about that. I mainly just wanted to get your impressions on Tellu—

KINGSTON (Seeing an approaching figure and kissing him on the cheek): Alby, you handsome thing, look at you. Look at how those green wisps of light just follow you around—how do you do it? Do you want to be interviewed about whatever thing before we start dancing?

ME: About Telluria. This is a nice club, but I want to get some opinions on Telluria.

ALBERICH: Greetings, I am Alberich. My friends call me Alby, (winks at Kingston) but you can call me Alberich.

What do you want to know about Telluria?

ME: I understand that she’s the best green hero around and that a lot of others feel threatened by her. What do you think?

ALBERICH: Telluria? Telluria has no sense of style. I don’t even think she can dance. Has she ever even come here? Why would Telluria bother me?

ME: I kind of want your opinions of her in battle, not on her style.

ALBERICH: Battle? UGH. Haven’t you ever heard of work/life balance? Does this look like a battlefield, sweetheart? Listen, I’m going to bust a move that’s going to get me a million views on TikTok and I barely have time for this, kay? Fine. What ABOUT her in battle?

ME: They say she has a versatile set of skills that makes her the best?

ALBERICH: Minions, been done before. Mana slow, been done before. Heal over time, been done before. Lame, much? Do something new.

I’ll tell you who really irritates me is that nasty brute, Heimdall. Yuck.

ME: What’s wrong with Heimdall?

ALBERICH: He’s a thief and a wannabe. Do you know who taught him resurrection, honey? I’ll give you one guess and his name begins with Alberich. He doesn’t even do it as well as I do.

And then he does more than full health. How can your health be more than full? That doesn’t even make sense. He stole that from Kashkrek.

And then he gives added physical strength. Sweet little Brienne does that better than he does and she’s been doing it since the beginning of the wars.

So, Heimdall is just a combination of abilities that were taught to him from other people. He’s not even unique. He also smells bad. And…does he give anybody credit for teaching him his skills? Nope. You never hear him say, “By the way, Alby, taught me the resurrection spell.”

ME: I’m sorry to hear all of that, but what about Telluria?

ALBERICH: What about Gazelle dropping those hot beats? Listen, I guess you’re nice or whatever, but my time is up.

(Looks at Kingston) Try not to stay too long. I need a dance partner.

KINGSTON: I don’t think Alby cares about Telluria.

ME: Evidently not. What do you think of her?

KINGSTON: I work well with her is all I know. We compliment each other’s abilities.

Dear, you listen to me, Telluria can be the best warrior and I don’t even care. I don’t even care if I’m considered the best assassin. I’ll always be the most styling warrior you’ll ever see—just don’t tell Alby I said that.

Anyway, I have to go, but (whispers) can I ask for a small favor?

ME (Glancing Around): Sure, what’s up?

KINGSTON: If you see Tarlak on the way back, just tell him I’m not here. My oh my that man is cut, but I looked at him a little too long the other day and Alby got upset. He’s not my type anyway. I think he has a thing for Evelyn, but I don’t see that happening. She’s way too smart for him and VERY independent.

Speaking of, she’s right over there if you want to talk to her. Make sure to hurry because she’s singing a set in about twenty minutes. She’s got a scream like you wouldn’t believe.

(I approached the slender figure with long and wavy red hair. I didn’t want to interrupt her vocal warmups because my reception hadn’t exactly been great so far.)

EVELYN: Hey, you come right over here and have a seat? Can I buy you a drink? The mojito is just to die for here, it really is. I’m Evelyn, but you can just call me Eve, that’s what my friends call me—so I guess we’re friends now!

ME: Thanks, Eve! I’ll take you up on that drink. I don’t want to speak ill of your friends, but you’re much more—ah—welcoming than they are.

EVELYN: Oh, they’re nice, they really are. I promise. They just want to be out on that dance floor where they belong. Unlike me, they don’t really like to fight.

ME: You like the battles? I looked at your picture from one war and you look so tranquil.

EVELYN: Haha. That’s the idea. They see the pretty lady with the smile and they think everything’s fine—she can’t hurt me. They get those mental defenses down. Next thing you know, I’ve stripped them of all of their pesky little extra abilities and made them even weaker for the next time I hit them.

By the time they realize I’m a force, it’s already too late. And all because of one little smile.

ME: What do you think of Telluria?

EVELYN: She’s fine. I like working with her. She makes it so they can’t hit me and I make it so we both hit them harder than usual. I’ll work with her anytime.

ME: What about her being considered the strongest nature hero?

EVELYN: Oh, strongest. Whatever. I don’t care about any ranking system. I care about winning. Telluria helps us WIN! If she’s on my team for a battle, I’m glad to see her…if she’s on the other side, maybe my smile fades a little. She’s certainly tough is what I’m trying to say, but I don’t feel threatened by her.

Besides, she needs to be boosting a team that supports her even more than I do. I’d crush her in a one on one fight, no contest.

That’s why I don’t understand why Lianna feels so threatened by her. Her arrows would turn Telluria into fire kindling in a one on one fight.

ME: I think you have a good perspective on things.

EVELYN: Thanks. I don’t know what Lianna said, you know, people see a gorgeous girl like her and make their assumptions…but she’s super smart and funny. Anyway, maybe she’ll come around on Telluria.

ME: I loved Lianna. She is really funny. She called Zeline a, ‘Bubblehead.’

EVELYN: Zeline is a bubblehead. How do you get thrown out of a dance club for not wearing enough clothes? Anyway, my set’s coming up. I hope you’ll stay for a few songs. Lovely to meet you.

ME: You too.

---

With nobody left to talk to, I listened to Eve sing a few songs (she was terrific) and tipped the bartender a five-piece wood token and left the bar. When I got back, I realized I must have tipped the bartender, Margaret, a twenty piece wood token instead because it was gone and the five piece was still in my pocket.

Just then I heard a knock on the door, opening it, I saw a medium-sized being that looked like a cross between a lion and a tree—except she was wearing a white sundress—it couldn’t be, could it?

TELLURIA: If you want to know about me, why not come straight to the source?

ME: You’re…Telluria?

TELLURIA: In the fur and in the wood.

ME: What can you tell me about your skills?

TELLURIA: I can tell you my skills don’t matter.

ME: WHAT!!??

TELLURIA: Look at me, I’m so lonely. Everything is about whether people like to fight with me, like to fight against me and that’s it.

Everyone chats before the battles and I get left out. Do you know nobody has ever asked me how I’m doing? Nobody has even said, “Hi, how are you?”

That’s the thing about being considered one of the best. They put me up on this pedestal and, as far as they are concerned, a warrior is all I am or will ever be. I’m a person too.

ME: I’m sorry to hear that, Telluria, you don’t have any friends?

TELLURIA: No. I don’t even think anyone knows that I speak the same language most of you do. Actually, I speak the same language as anyone Green—even Horghall. I have no family. I am a creation of the forest—the forest itself brought me into existence and I’m so alone.

ME: Why do you think nobody likes you?

TELLURIA: The forest made me too powerful. It’s just the way I was created. I was given most of the blessings of nature.

But, nobody cares about me the person. Please call me Telly, I wish someone would.

ME: Isn’t it neat to be considered the best, Telly?

TELLURIA: I’d let Aife beat me in a fight if I could just make one friend. People look at Eve and say, “She’s so pretty and such a great singer.” Kadilen and Elkanen will always have each other. Kingston will always have his style and I think he and Alberich might have a thing going.

Lianna has Kashkrek as a best friend. I’d give Lianna all of my abilities if I could just have one friend. Nobody likes me for me…they like what I can do for them…but then get jealous when I do it.

ME: That must be really tough. I’m so sorry, Telly.

(Just then a green light filled the room and the angel, Zeline, appeared in a flash)

ME: This is my apartment, you can’t just—

ZELINE: I will go where my will takes me. The mortal need for privacy is silly.

ME: Well, I guess I can’t stop you. Can we help you with something?

ZELINE: Yes. I am also lonely. Everyone calls me a bobblehead and laughs at me. My head does not bobble.

ME: They’re saying, “Bubblehead,” not, “Bobblehead.”

ZELINE: My head is not a bubble.

ME: Okay. Well, I really didn’t plan to become a self-help expert or anything, but what I can say—

ZELINE: Your advice has no meaning. I am a celestial. YOU are a bobblehead. Other celestials created you, Telluria, and that is why you are so strong. You are stronger than I am.

You will come with me and I will show you where you were made. It is celestial nature that only I can access and not any of these other bobbleheads. We will be friends.

TELLURIA: I’ve got to tell you—I think I’m good here. You’re kind of weird.

ZELINE: Fine. I’m not lonely anyway. Jade and I are friends.

ME & TELLURIA: Who?

ZELINE: You will find out soon enough, Telluria. Good luck. You’re going to need it.

(And, in a flash, she was gone.)

TELLURIA: Ick. What a bubblehead. She’s so creepy. So uncanny valley.

ME: Do you want to make a friend, Telly, other than me, I mean?

TELLURIA: How would I do that?

ME: Let’s go get a drink and you can tell Lianna ALL about what you think of Zeline!

[samantha]

Love it! it played out in front of my inner eye like a film.

[Fadge]

Pure poetry…