Well, I sat down with Gill-Ra. I would say we had a discussion but that’s not quite how it went.
Really, she just mumbled to herself the whole time and I did my best to follow what she was saying. I wrote it all down, word for word, if that helps. I think it’s safe to say she was recounting how she changed.
So, here you are.
It’s here somewhere. I know it is.
Nobody just misplaces a giant green egg like that.
Come on, stupid egg, here stupid egg, come to mama!
Nobody in Larith’lein would believe me anyway, ‘hey I found this cool egg!’ Nope, gonna have to show ‘em.
So I gotta find the silly thing.
Think, Geil’arhna, you know it’s here. On the beach. Keep looking.
I bring the egg back, everyone’s gonna be so impressed. Even Kha’rissa. Nothing impresses her.
Hey Geil’arhna, that’s a great egg, she’ll say, what’s it gonna hatch?
Wouldn’t you like to know! Kha’rissa, thinks she’s so special. Hunh. Always on about she’s so pretty. Shiny yellow hair, big green eyes, perfect elf beauty, listen, you got nothing on me. See this? This is my “resting b tch face”. No I’m not always mad, I just look like – No I do not always just bring everyone down, thank you. You see her? That girl, Geil’arhna? She just walks in the room, people get depressed. Because you’re so ugly. You’re like some mutant freak elf. People see you, they lose the will to live. They just say
Oh come ON! Egg, emerald green, two feet high. Sticking out of the water. I know it’s here. It’s gotta be.
Eggy eggy egg-yy! Come on, egg, quit hiding, you stupid egg!
Hey there’s a shiny – wait, someone found it? – no, it’s broken, oh Kha’rissa, that harpy! Stealing my egg.
Look, there’s this shiny white splertch inside.
Splertch. Good Elven word. Lyrical. Splertch. To splertch. To be splertch. I splertch, you splertch, we –
Come ON Geil, focus! That’s not splertch, that’s the, whatsis, inside an egg, filmy stuff. Albumen.
Hey maybe it hatched! My egg hatched? Hah, joke’s on you Kha’rissa, ain’t nobody’s egg now. It’s ali-
Hey what comes out of a sparkly green egg two feet high anyway, huh? Big frog?
No, dha’mid, frogs start as tadpoles. You’re such a dha’mid sometimes.
Okay so big tadpole guy, here tadpole guy, here – yeah tadpole guy’s not here, Geil’arhna. Tadpole guy went splertch.
So wait, there’s a bit of, what, looks like some sorta black slimy, eww, yick. Way beyond splertch.
It’s, wait, it’s mov- it’s alive? See, tadpole, toldja! Who’s the dha’mid now, huh?
Oh wait, it’s sliming, eww, it, oh it touched my hand! EWW! Oh yick. Get off! Get off! Hey!
Oh great, Geil’arhna, now you got this slimy black eel glove hand thing, it’s, that’s what came out of the egg? What, this one little slim—no, maybe there were others, whole egg full of slimies, splertching all over like…… hey, that’s not funny.
Stop biting my hand! What the – oh. It’s got teeth? Eww…
Oh wait, that’s, I feel weird. Oh, yurph, I need to sit down. See slimy? Now you made me ill, stop with the biting.
I’m just gonna sit here, me an’ my slimy, sittin’ in the surf, oh whurph!! I feel, oh wait, this isn’t funny anymore, I need to sit, I should get this black slimy thing off my wr……
Oh now look I’m soaked! Well get up dha’mid, you been sitting in the water for hou – what time it is? I’m so…. No I’m not. What the heck. Oh, wrist, yeah, slimy. Ick.
Oh wait, it’s like a leech, it’s stuck on my arm, it’s got suckers and eww! Oh that’s not right.
Yeah, no, I’m …… wait why are my nails so long? What? What? How long was I in the water? How long did that slimy, oh ick, leech, leech stay stuck on my arm anyway? Is it alive? Oh ewwww! Dead leech stuck on my wrist, yuck.
Geil’arhna get up. You need to get up. Get this leech off your wrist. Splertch. Your name is Splertch. Splertch the leech. Big leech. Okay now, we gotta get up and
Wait, okay, calm down dha’mid, calm down. Geil’arhna, think. You’re not crazy.
Yes you are. Nuts. Got this leech on your arm and
LEGS. HEY leech, I’m talking to you. Where are my legs? Hello?
No ma’am, your legs, they just got up and went over th … oh I need to be sick.
Yurllph. Oh, ewwww! Black spit now? Okay, focus, head spinning, whoa, ohhhh you’re gonna regret this in the mor
LEGS! LOOK! FOCUS!
That’s a FISH TAIL.
LOOK AT IT
That’s not a fish tail.
That’s a, what, no scales, Fish have scales. I’m not part fish, whew, uhgh.
No I’m part leech and okay that’s worse.
Leech woman. Half leech, half elf. With fins. Because yeah.
Why the Jhor’DAN’tis do I have LEECH LEGS!
Because those aren’t legs.
That’s not a reason.
I’m, okay, think. Leech bit me. Leech from the big egg, bit me and I fainted. It bit me, my wrist, bit me and see, it’s still there and it changed me, I’ve got this big leech tail, and
Yeah but it’s got fins, see, so it’s not a real leech. You’re not a real lee—
No because I’m an elf with a giant leech hanging outta my a —
No it’s got fins so it’s a mutant freak leech, leech girl, it’s oh GET UP.
I can’t get up.
I can’t stand up.
I can’t get up.
I’m, my legs are turned into a leech and I can’t, I need to, I need……
Oh please no, I need to, I don’t think I can
Oh ow! Hey, what are you,hey, net? Net? You put a net around my…. Hey I’m not a
Stop! I said STOP!
Let go I mean it I’ll scratch – whoa, what? Yeah, good, run away little man, run away run far away I’m just, I’ll just, I these are talons. These are not hands, these are talons. Sorry I didn’t mean to scratch you I just
Okay, leech, what the HECK did you do to me, one bite and …… are we finished?
I’ll just crawl over here, no legs anymore so I …….
Wait can you still call it crawling? Sliming? Leeching?
Wow I’m hungry, I need some f…… oh yurph, food, make me sick just thinking about it but I need to eat so I can grow up to be big and strong and I’m not ever going to walk again just kill me.
Just kill me.
What the HECK did it turn me into? Gotta get this net off.
Hey come back help me get this stupid net off did you think I was a fish? Really?
Okay so this is a really, truly, very bad day.
I started out as Geil’arhna, elf, you know, from Larith’leil, but now I’m just Gah – Gah – Gih……
Oh Whoa, teeth, what the, oh that’s not good. Oh, I ever bite my tongue, oh that won’t be nice it’ll rip my tongue in half because they’re
Look I’m Jenny Greenteeth, I’m the evil mermaid – merleech – leechmaid – who lures men to their doom.
No I’m not. I’m Geil’arshhhhh oh I can’t speak anymore. Mouth changed, teeth too long. I’m just, I’ll,
Geil - Gheel - Greegh – Grurssssppphhh… Oh what the
Gill-ra. I can say Gill-ra. Teeth. Mouth. I feel horrible.
I need to get to the
How many leeches came out of the
HOW MANY LEECHES CAME OUT OF THE EGG!!!
There’s the one, on my wrist, yeah but he’s dead and won’t come off. And there must be more……
Oh no we do NOT need a mass plague of leech woman elf freak fish… what the heck am I?
I need to tell somebody. Warn people. Leech mutant bite because, big egg and, yeah.
Corellia. I’ll tell them.
Not far. I can swim… can I swim? We’ll try. Me an’ splertch.
I need to get to the, yeah, and tell people to look out for the, yeah.
Okay, new plan.
They’ll hate me. Kha’rissa? You think I was ugly before? Hooooo yeah. Look at Gill-Ra, the freak leech girl with the face and the teeth and the leech tail with the fins and she sees you, you’ll just get so miserable, you won’t want to…. just don’t, no really, just don’t look at her.
This, you see this? This is my resting…….
Resting fish face.
Heh. That’s funny.