Forum Interviews: An Audience with @JonahTheBard 🎙️


Good evening empire,

Hold your toilet paper (it’s rare these days, don’t you know?)! Hold your eggs (yolk is so hard to get off the training camp walls.)! And for goodness’ sake, stop sticking forks in the lawn (since when did that become a fad anyway?)!

The reports of chaos quickly made it to our castle after news broke that the bard was taking a break from interviews. But do not threat, we have heard your pleas for more interviews. Now, alas, this one may be the last for a while.

So today, once again, we hear an interview with @JonahTheBard. Now I know what you may be thinking: didn’t we already hear from him? Well you may have if you followed the unofficial interview by @MysterySpin. But rumor has it that the mushrooms from wonderland we’re a little too abundant during that interview. So we’re trying one more time now that the smoke haze is confined to the alchemy lab.


Now this interview is a bit unique in another fashion. The questions are not only coming from yours truly, but also from other forum members. Thanks to their blood and sweat, we have one of the longest interviews on the forum. Credit goes to:

So in the fashion of our bard, may I say once more for him to wash your hands :sweat_drops::palms_up_together:, wear a mask as appropriate :mask:, and stay at home :house:.

Remember to #PlayApartTogether

If you missed them, you can find previous interviews below:

Interview Index

@FrenziedEye - Here

@RandaPanduh - Here

@Xero786 - Here

@chadmo - Here

@Aquaginera_7DD - Here

@ArktikaTF - Here

@zephyr1- Here

@rook - Here

@littleKAF - Here

@guvnor - Here

@DaveCozy - Here

@Mr.Spock - Here

@Razor - Here

@ScottySG - Here

@NPNKY - Here

@NittanyLionRoar - Here

@Novo - Here

@MysterySpin - Here

@TheChef - Here

@Math4lyfe - Here

@Kikyo - Here

@BarryWuzHere -Here

@IvyTheTerrible - Here

@Pois1 - Here

@akionna - Here

@Elpis - Here

  • How long does it feel like you’ve been a mod on this forum?

About four years, normally, and sometimes, my entire adult life.

  • Do you get personal satisfaction from being a mod? What’s you favorite thing to do as a mod? :man_superhero:

I do enjoy being a mod, it is certainly a hobby. It is sometimes a challenge and occasionally a chore, but all good hobbies are a labour of love.

Things I particularly like:

  • having a relationship with the staff; they are genuinely normal people who care about their work. I don’t always agree with management decisions but the front line community staff are good folk
  • using mod powers and opportunities to contribute to the community - like the #anaudiencewith series. It was a great platform to reach some really smart and interesting people around the world.
  • the other moderators; considering we come from very different backgrounds, thousands of miles apart, I think we gel really well and share a common ethic

Onto the next question.

  • Is the Puzzle Combat hero Jonah an SGG homage to you for your service as a mod, or just coincidence?

I played PC for a few months last year before this guy was released so this is actually my first contact with the character. It had better well be a homage to me! Not because I deserve it, but because I’ve put so many hours into this ruddy forum that if the staff are still completely oblivious to my existence, I can’t have been very useful, can I!

Also, I sent @mhalttu this picture some time last year. Coincidence?? You decide.

  • If you could remove one thread or topic that you think brings the most negativity to the forum, which would it be? :recycle:

I really struggle with board rigging conspiracies. All the data collected by @Garanwyn and other players shows it’s random. The staff say it’s random. The recent Beta seed scandal shows it’s random.
Occasionally, I can’t help it and dive back into the debate, but it’s an impossible task that simply leads to more antagonism.
My least favourite aspect of the cycle of board rage is where people include abuse as part of their posts and then use the fact they get flagged as proof that they are right and they are being silenced like political opponents of a totalitarian government.
No. No. No. You are getting flagged for your inability to state your case without using basic manners.

  • Has there been anything you’ve known about in advance which made you know it was going to be a rough day as a mod? :fire:

When @petri told us that Hero Academy was being released as it was in beta I offered him the spare stab vest I keep under my bed. Actually, the HA debate has been quite civil because there’s really only shades of the same opinion ranging from moderate disappointment to total betrayal.

  • This is not a drill. The forum will lock up in 30 seconds and you’re only allowed to post/read one thread of your choosing. Which thread do you choose? :clock1:

The Ridiculous Complaints Thread…I think it contains the most cerebral satire on the forum. Memes is a very close second.

  • False alarm. But look! Your house is burning down! You have 60 seconds to grab 1 thing only - what would you grab? :fire_engine:

A fire extinguisher, duh.

  • Of your 5 kids, which one is fire, ice, nature, holy, and dark? :angel: :smiling_imp:

I actually played with a few pictures of the kids for possible competition material


Fox is Ice, he’s a taciturn paleontologist
The Edge is Nature, he’s all emotion, vitality and adventure
Bee is Dark, she’s an architect, lawyer and politician
Piccalilli is Holy, she’s innocent and super cute
Teddington is Fire, uncontrollable and rebellious but warm and cuddly

  • On a similar thought :laughing:, which titan element is your favorite and why?

Evelyn is my only elemental def down hero and so blue titans take pretty big damage from me. Historically, I was strong in red early on with Scarlett and Colen, so I still enjoy burning down greens :fire:

  • Did you play any sports growing up, or were you an “indoor” kid? :house_with_garden:

I like to think of myself as an ‘action geek’; I ran the school Warhammer club but I also played rugby for the school (chasing people and knocking them over is still a joy). I also liked a lot of hill walking and did some Jujitsu at Uni, but I’ve always done plenty of gaming and reading too.

  • Where do you think the current direction of the game is going? :compass:

Hmmm…I think SG have shown themselves to be very focussed on the core mechanics of the game and they waiver very little…match tiles, get heroes, level heroes, match tiles… I still expect them to deviate very little from this proven formula.
I am concerned about the impact of emblems. It used to be that once your hero was maxxed it was good to go…now there’s a whole new world of bottle necks. The sad contradiction is that we have more and more interesting heroes, but the emblem gap narrows your choice. I recently pulled Shadereave, who I’d love to try, but as a fighter he’s behind so many others that he’s unlikely to get used except in rush attack tournaments.

However, I do like the look of the Mythic Titans and I really like tournaments, PoV and the new event content.

SG have shown some somewhat clay-footed response to the disquiet in beta and I’d urge them to continue building positive communication into the future.

  • If you had to use you own personal rainbow team in 10 raids without knowing the enemy, what would your team be? :rainbow:

Right, so we need some versatility.

I’ll do various levels.

Lianna - Isarnia - Domitia - Anzogh - Joon

That should give me some heal, some dispel, a couple of hitters and a high risk game changer.

My 5s actually miss out a lot of key skills (particularly cleanse, Viv is too slow to counter GM, Vela etc) and so I almost always use one or two 4 in the mix.

My 4* rainbow would be

C.Mel - C.Sonya - Proteus - Scarlett - Li

Cleanse, heal, damage, DoT, mana control, dispel…much more versatile than my so called Legendaries!

C. Hawkmoon - Kvasir - c.Tyrum - Valen - Belith

Heal, attack buff, Dispel, Def down, cleanse and… :honeybee:!! If you ever pull the bee keeper from Valhalla, don’t be downhearted, he’s an absolute firecracker!

  • You are allowed to make one raid team and one defense team using past and present forum members. Who are on these teams and in what positions?

Raid…ok… who’s the most offensive :thinking: hmm… maybe ‘incisive’ is a better word.

I’ll go

@Duaneski - snipe from the left wing
@IvyTheTerrible - high quality analytics to support the centre
@JonahTheBard - I don’t expect anyone to fight my battles for me
@Disposable - endlessly creative and hilarious
@Rigs - plenty of burn damage

And defence?

I’ll pick a middle three of @zephyr1 - @Kerridoc - @Garanwyn and I really don’t think the other places matter

(As an alternative @RandaPandah - @MysterySpin - @TGW…there would be such a wall of text that it would be like Mother North, Aegir, Telluria set to very fast, you just ain’t ever going to do enough damage to breakthrough…)

  • Rumor has it, you’ve video chatted with your fellow mods and SGGs community staff. Which person(s) looked closest to what you imagined and which person(s) looked furthest from what you imagined?

Shockingly, @rook does not look like a cat. More shockingly @DaveCozy’s cat doesn’t even look like a cat either :grimacing:. Each to their own but the sphinx look doesn’t do it for me, Dave.

@Petri looks exactly like the Nordic Adonis we all picture him to be, both handsomely rugged and ruggedly handsome we agreed 5000 gems…no, definitely 5000. No I’m not saying the last bit, I don’t care how succulent your hams are…

My favourite new acquaintances, though, are @littleKAF’s socks which occasionally sweep past the webcam as he rolls into a more comfy position :rofl::socks:

One of my favourite things about the video chat is being able to read their posts in their real voices.

  • What was your favorite meal as a child that you wish your spouse could make for you just as good? :pancakes:

My wife is probably a better cook than my parents, but I miss mum’s shepherds pie. I didn’t like it at the time, but now it tastes of growing up with my brothers.

  • If @Math4lyfe was jumping across the pond for dinner, what would you make? :canned_food:

Gosh, I have to cook for myself :thinking: well, I’d probably do something horrible that everyone assumes is British and trust that she’d be too polite to mention it. So black pudding with fish and chips it is :blush:
I mostly cook for the kids so it tends to be pretty mundane stuff that goes in the oven. I like to make fun skewers with BBQ chicken and roasted vegetables. As a teacher, I assume Math is fine with an army of small people interrogating her while she’s trying to eat.

  • Where is the best vacation destination you have been and what is your dream destination? :palm_tree:

I haven’t travelled very widely, so my favourite locations remain at home in blighty. I think it’s tough to beat the Lake District in the north west of England for gorgeous scenery and mouthwatering geomorphology.

Striding Edge at Hellvelvyn is a particular favourite


I have done some youth work in Moldova (not Morlovia, although I don’t mind playing rounders with vampire spawn). Moldova is not s holiday destination, however…

If I could go further afield? I think I’d like to go across the USA…our media is so US centic while also being sensationalist; I really want to find out for myself. Does everyone really own a monster truck with machine gun turrets powered by live tigers? I can only hope…

Mrs the Bard had required that eventually we get two weeks in a luxury beach resort in the Caribbean but that’s probably about 20 years away at this point.

  • They say real life imitates art. What do you see in your life that looks like it could have come straight out of E&P? :art:

I have a neighbor who’s a tall athletic woman who only wears a black bikini, horned helmet and carries a halberd…:thinking:

No… how about ‘crushing disappointment and a massive societal reliance on short term gratification and the accumulation of worthless products’

Too real for you… ok…um

  • If you could grab @Petri by his shirt, put your finger in his face and give him one piece of threatening advice, what would it be?

Well this question sounds strangely Italian :roll_eyes:

Apart from ‘look out for the guy with the hangman’s noose tie and faint whiff of sushi…’ I’d say “everything counts in large amounts”. This is generally good gaming advice from Warhammer but fits E-P frequently - don’t go half measures - pick a strategy and see it through. A bad decision is preferable to no decision.

  • Speaking of @Petri, he gave approval to post this beta content. Please explain the new feature.

That’s the Norse god Slolaf, he’s a new Valhalla 5* in his animal form; seeing as that went down so well with Salmon Loki. Coincidentally, he’s the patron deity of Small Giant and painfully slow building projects.

  • Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer? :bow_and_arrow:

Gatherer. Does this also mean tidy-upperer? I gather a lot of laundry and dirty crockery.

I can’t shoot for toffee, despite my ever increasing collection of nerf guns.
Whether it’s on the rifle range or archery, Mrs the Bard out shoots me embarrassing ease.

  • Having the unpleasant experience of being in quarantine, is there any advice you could share for those in our worldwide community that may find themselves in this situation? :mask:

For the first 12 days I was in isolation but working from home. This was in many ways the toughest part because I felt pretty useless and I wasn’t doing any one thing well. The children were confused about why I was so distracted and I wasn’t doing a very good job because so much of my role depends on personal interaction.
I think the best advice, in retrospect, would be just to ‘be’. The situation was out of my control and putting myself under pressure only made the situation stressful and made me a worse dad.

  • How has E&P and/or this forum impacted you during these strange and challenging times?

I found the community here to be a great source of entertainment; I started the When Suddenly…! community story and was daily amazed by the humour and creativity of the likes of @akionna and @sleepyhead amongst many others.

Being supported by @petri to run the interview series was great.
But, more widely, I think the community has really rallied around and generally discussed the situation very sympathetically and with great maturity.

The moderators are often quite anxious about topics solely about IRL as it’s so easy to disappear down the rabbit hole of politics but we try to support the community to have civil discussions. In this case I’ve been very impressed with how y’all have respected boundaries and the experiences of others. Thank you.


Great insights into the Bard’s life and mind. Thank you, @littleKAF for doing this! :slightly_smiling_face:

btw, @JonahTheBard is that your real pic? You look way younger than I imagined you’d be. :hushed:

Great interview!! :smile:


Ditto. First time I saw him, I asked if it was @Guvnor. :relaxed:


I guess Jonah’s words contain too much wisdom to picture him young. :laughing:


Ahaha I don’t even have kids yet :stuck_out_tongue:


I don’t think Jonah looks old enough to have 5 kids. Just saying.


Wow. Just… wow.

Such a great read… the members of this forum are just amazing. The questions were thoughtful, yet entertaining… and the answers were just the same.

A big thanks to those who contributed to this masterpiece!


Agreed :stuck_out_tongue:

Always pictured him as a mature looking guy with Dark brown hair, bit of stubble over a chiseled jaw. Maybe a scar & definitely a crooked nose (old break).


New forum game. Post pictures of what you pictured @JonahTheBard looked like. :thinking:

I’ll start.


Elli, ello, ello… what’s all this then?

Close but more like


I always pictured him like this…

  • With more hair on the head; More beard; Thicker moustache;
  • Holds a Quill in one hand, parchment on the desk, and a cuppa tea in the other hand.
  • He writes on the magic parchment and the posts appear here on the forum. :nerd_face:

The trick is to bathe daily in the tears of your enemies


Of which you have few… which means the trick is to also bathe infrequently? :thinking:


In his defense, he did say daily

I think “bathe insufficiently” is a more logical implication. :grin:

And I am not going to say or think anything further… :see_no_evil:


Or make them cry a lot…


Wonderful interview, as if I expected anything less @JonahTheBard ! shout out to @littleKAF and the question contributors (Now I’m having fun guessing which questions were asked by @Chadmo @Elpis @Kayo @Saphirra , though I am struggling with JB’s cryptic clue over the threateningly Italian one, hmmm :wink: :slight_smile: :wink: )

re Bardic one looking young, I wasn’t quite so surprised. But I remember JB posting a photo way way way way way back, somewhere. And ever since then I’ve "read’ JB’s forum posts with the image of a young-ish bard in mind, if that makes sense. But still, 5 kids AND looking that young? I gotta go make more enemies and have them cry into my bathtub…

Anyway, my submission for “what I imagined JB would look like”" - Edgar the Bard from Final Fantasy IV

did you stumble upon the wine region in Moldova, by any chance? I’ve heard Moldovan wines are a hidden gem!

I’m envious of your neighbors. None of mine carry cool weapons, except for the grumpy old man with a walker who always yells obscenities at me for existing.

I want Slolaf. I’m saving gems up for when Slolaf is released, dang it!

thanks for the shout out, O Bardic one. the WHEN SUDDENLY. thread is indeed one of the highlights of my day, and recently @CaptainjaKCsparrow @GelatinousPilot @sft1965 @nevarmaor have also been adding their touch of craziness and hilarity to it!


Should we hit JB with some of the questions that hit the cutting room floor??


Well done. You out did yourself with your Replies @JonahTheBard. I enjoyed working with the others to form this, and i gotta say, it was well worth it.

You do look different than what i expected, lol. Nice shirt btw.


Reminds me of when my parents went to New Zealand and met a fellow traveler from Europe who told them they’ve never been to the U.S., but they know they could never live in a neighborhood in the U.S. because everyone walks around with guns.